Monday, August 2, 2010

Steamboat Willie and Other Matters

When I was about 2 and a half, I went to story time at my local library. One time in particular, they did a showing of "Steamboat Willie" after reading some picture books. My mother and I started watching it up until... well, watch the video below and see if you can figure out what happened.



When I was young, I was a real animal-lover. So, imagine my shock when I saw Mickey Mouse twirling a cat around by its tail, pulling the tails of pigs, cranking a goat's tail, and abusing animals in general. I imagine that I starting crying at about 4:21, and was taken out of the room at 5:31 (these are the parts that I remember). Anyway, it still seems shocking that this concept of torturing animals was acceptable enough to make a cartoon out of. I imagine that whenever i watch "Steamboat Willie" I will always be screaming "Mommy, he's hurting it!".

Also, yesterday I went to Six FLags with my family (Yes, it was fun.) Anyway, on the way home I wrote some surprisingly catchy songs. They might become refrains. Here they are:

Hedgehog Song
There’s a hedgehog sitting on a ledgelog, and he’s very tired!
There’s a hedgehog sitting on a ledgelog, and he’s just been fired!
From his job as a ledgelog sitter,
Because he’s a hedgehog critter,
There’s a hedgehog sitting on a ledgelog, and he’s very tired!

Pudgy The Snail
Pudgy the snail was a very happy snail!
He’s the best snail I know!
Pudgy the snail was a very happy snail!
Until he became escargot!

Ha! Anyway, that's my post. Enjoy!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I Changed My Template! (Again)

I case you didn't notice, I changed my template. (Again)

Also, I found an intersting video on the web about llamas. O.K., interesting isn't the word, but clicky clicky.

In the spirit of this random song, I wrote one of my own. Maybe I'll make a video. Anyway, here it is:

This is the color song! (duh, duh, duh)
And it goes…
Orangey,
Bluey,
Purpley,
Goldy,
Maroony,
Greeny,
Yellowy,
Red!

Orangey,
Happy,
Purpley,
Saddy,
Goldly,
Maddy,
Yellowy,
Red!

I am singing this song to remind me,
Which way is up or round or down or by me,
Because as you can see,
It starts with orangey,
Oh, purple, purple, purple, purple, red!

This is the people song (duh, duh, duh)
And it goes…

Lincolny,
Betsy,
Rossy,
Granty,
Mentioning,
Davinci,
They are all,
Dead!

Lincolny,
Betsy,
Schwarzenegger,
Demi,
Patrick,
Who is he?
I don’t know.
Dead!

I am singing this song to remind me,
Which way is up or round or down or by me,
Because as you can see,
It starts with Lincolny,
Oh, Demi, Demi, Demi, Demi, dead!

This is the object song! (duh, duh, duh)
And it goes…

Pencilly,
T.V.y,
Goatee,
Smiley,
Baskety,
Sticky,
Bowling Bowl,
Head!

Pencilly,
T.V.y,
Smelly,
Goatee,
Smiley,
Sticky,
Bowling Ball,
Head!

I am singing this song to remind me,
Which way is up or round or down or by me,
Because as you can see,
It starts with pencilly,
Oh, goatee, goatee, goatee, goatee, head!

This is the animal song (duh, duh, duh)
And it goes…

Camely,
Cowy,
Bunny,
Llamay,
Turkey,
Deery,
Porcupiney,
Hen!

Camely,
Llamay,
Cowy,
Goaty,
Didn’t we,
already,
Say that so,
Hen!

I am singing this song to remind me,
Which way is up or down or round or by me,
Because as you can see,
It starts with camely,
Oh, turkey, turkey, turkey, turkey, hen!

This is the random song! (duh, duh, duh)
And it goes…

Staringy,
At me,
Why is he?,
Creepy,
Spinningy,
Towards me,
Bananay,
Grape!

Staringy,
Why me?
Wondery,
Landy,
Rabbity,
Candy,
Bananay,
Grape!

I am singing this song to remind me,
Which way is up or round or down or by me!
Because as you can see,
It starts with staringy,
Oh, candy, candy, candy, candy, grape!
Candy, candy, candy, candy, grape!
Candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, grape!
Grape!
Grape!
Grape!

This is the end of song! (duh, duh, duh)
And it goes…

Redy,
Deady,
Heny,
Grapey,
Thisy,
Thaty,
Orangey,
Red!

I hope you enjoyed that. I think I will make a video to post. Let you know when it is done.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Nero

A while ago I had to choose a historic figure to dress up as for a school project. I was extremely sucessful, and got a 105 A+ on the project. anyway, the idea was that whenever someone threw a coin into a bowl at my feet, I "came to life", and gave the following speech. I would record it, and show it to you, but I had to present it so many times that I am sick of it. I just thought I would post the written script:

I am Nero, the emperor of all emperors, the star from the heaven! My rule of Rome is perhaps one of the most famous, and for no small reason. Art! Art has saved me, helped feed my weary soul. My own art, my own voice, my own music! Let the people of Rome talk behind my back: my art is worth every bit of ridicule.
My original name was Lucius, but that all changed when my mother married Claudius, the emperor of Rome. She convinced him to adopt me, and he then…mysteriously…died. No one really did find out how, but…I did see my mother messing around with his goblet…she put some…never mind. You didn’t hear any of that from me. There’s no proof, anyway. Since I was older than Claudius’ own son, I became emperor. The first artist-emperor of Rome. This when my name was changed to Nero, by the way.
My stepbrother from whom I had taken the throne then died--don’t ask how-- he just died. My mother was bothered by this. She was going to use him to control me. Well, this is about the time that I became obsessed with art: pantomime, ballet, singing, lyre-playing, anything. But, mostly singing. During a time I refused to eat anything except chives marinated in oil. They help my vocal chords, you see. And I would never, ever eat an apple. They are like demons: they hurt your voice. Beware of the apples! Beware!
When I was young, I had been forced to marry my stepsister, Octavia. It was out of my control: you can’t marry again until your previous wife is dead. But I could start some relationships. Which I did. Even the emperor needs some romance in his life.
My mother didn’t like me cheating on my wife. She didn’t like art. She didn’t like me. Now, you can’t dislike the emperor of Rome and get away with it. Thus started a series of six murder attempts upon my mother’s life. The first three times I used poison, but it soon became clear that that wasn’t working. So, it was time to crank things up a notch with a bedroom ceiling that caved in while my mother was asleep and a ship that deliberately sank. Both times she eluded me. So, I felt ablidged to try things the old fashioned way. I hired an assassin to club her over the head and stab her. Guess what! It worked.
Octavia, my wife, was executed three years later for committing adultery. Okay, maybe not. That’s what you get for forcing me to forcing me to marry! Well, I then married another woman, Poppaea Sabina. A few years later she scolded me for coming home too late, and in my temper I kicked her to death. Poor Poppaea.
Ah, the burn of Rome! During my rein, Rome burnt to the ground. Now, if you have been listening to the rumors circulating, you might believe that I played the fiddle while Rome burned, or even started the fire. Now, any sensible person would no that the fiddle, or violin, wasn’t in Europe until the Byzantine Empire, which started after my death. Far more likely that I played the lyre, a harp-like instrument or sang “The Burning of Troy” or “The Capture of Troy”. And, I didn’t start the blaze, I just took advantage of it, and built an enourmous palace in the ruins once the fire subsided. The palace had a vast garden and an artificial lake--oh, the things that you can afford when you are the emperor of Rome! Anyway, to disprove these dispecible rumors, I had to blame somebody. That somebody, or sombodies, were the Christians.
In order to take the blame off my self, I persecuted the Christians more than any emperor before me! They insulted the Roman gods, and burnt down Rome. They deserved to die! I fed them to wild animals, crucified them, and ties them to poles, which I then set on fire, and made into human torches in my garden. Needless to say that those somebodies soon became some bodies! (laughs) What!? When the emperor makes a joke, you should laugh. Laugh! Laugh! Go on, laugh with me, he he he he he! Oh, ha ha ha! You’re just a bunch of filthy peasants, whose laughing now! Ha ha h…forget it. Anyway, the more people talked behind my back, the more I persecuted. Yet, despite my efforts, it wasn’t enough. The Senate didn’t like me, they were after me. Rather than being publically humiliated, I drank some poison, (gulp) and died in peace. Oh, what an artist the world loses in me!


Here is my written report on Nero that I also had to turn in:

Nero has long been regarded as one of the most brutal, murderous, and selfish emperors that Rome has ever known. But who was Nero? Was he as brutal as all the stories depict? The sad answer is: yes. Nero’s violence and cruelty made a major impact on the lives of the Roman people, many of whom suffered and even died at the hands of this despicable dictator. Nero wasn’t exactly a family person, seeing as he murdered most of his family, a Senate person, seeing as the Senate murdered him, or really even a people person: he murdered a lot of people. He was the worst emperor Rome has ever known.
Nero’s original name was Lucius Domitius Anhenobarbus. He was born on December 15, 37 A.D. to Julia Agrippina. She was banished to the Rontian Islands by Caligula, the Emperor at the time. Nero’s father then died, and his inheritance was seized. Then, Caligula was murdered, and Agrippina and Lucius were able to return home. Once back on the main land, Agrippina married Claudius, the new emperor. Nero received a fine education, and was betrothed to Octavia, his stepsister. Somehow, Agrippina managed to persuade Claudius to adopt Nero. This is when his name was changed to Nero Claudius Drusus Germanicus. Claudius’ own son was younger than Nero, and was therefore no longer Claudius’ heir to the throne. The new heir was Nero. Agrippina then supposedly poisoned Claudius, making Nero the emperor.
At first, Nero came across as a kind, humane person. He shuddered over having to sign a form that put to death some slaves who had poisoned their master. However, all of this humanity soon left Nero. Nero starting cheating on his wife, which greatly angered his mother, who started spreading some hostile rumors about him. He proceeded to start another affair, this one with Poppaea Sabina.
Nero became obsessed with the arts. He prided himself in his lyre playing and singing, although to this day no one knows the truth about Nero’s skill. Such was Nero’s devotion to his own singing that he often refused to eat apples, claiming they damaged his vocal chords. Sometimes he would eat nothing but chives marinated in oil, believing they helped his voice. Despite Nero’s own devotion to singing, the people of Rome were not as pleased. Many suspected that Nero had gone insane, and he became very unpopular, even among his own family. His mother became even more resentful, feeling that she had helped a nut to gain power. She looked to his stepbrother, who she had kept in reserve in the event that she lost control of Nero. However, he was dead on the floor, poisoned by the emperor of Rome.
Nero came to greatly dislike his mother. She despised his singing, and his romantic life. What could be done? In Nero’s eyes, there was only one solution: murder. Thrice, Nero attempted to poison Agrippina, but all three times she survived. His schemes became more far-fetched. He rigged her bedroom ceiling to cave in while she was in bed, and he created a large boat that deliberately sank while she was onboard. Despite these attempts, it wasn’t until he hired an assassin to kill her that she was finally stabbed, clubbed in the head, and killed. To explain why he killed his mother, Nero told the Senate that he had uncovered a plot of Agrippina’s to murder him, and he had to act first. The Senate had disliked Agrippina, and accepted his explanation. Three years after his mother’s death, Octavia was executed on the grounds of adultery, and Poppaea Sabina became Nero’s wife.
Nero greatly loved chariot racing, although by no means did he play fair. He would often show up at an arena called the Circus Maximus, ready to race. Nero’s color was purple, and people cheered very loudly for him at first, wearing purple and waving purple cloths. However, Nero was a terrible racer, and soon the number of his supporters dwindled. Nero claimed that his horses were not working well, and decided to hitch some fast moving, but hard to train camels to his chariot instead. The camels didn’t quite work well either, so he started holding his races at night, when no one could see what was occurring, and declaring himself the winner of every one. On a particular night, his wife scolded him for coming home too late. In his anger, Nero kicked his wife to death. He also hitched too many horses to his chariot, and threatened the other racers to let him win. Soon, many fans stopped coming to see him, and Nero finally stopped going to the Circus Maximus.
In the year A.D. 64, a great fire destroyed Rome. Legend has it that Nero fiddled while Rome burned. However, the fiddle didn’t exist in the year A.D. 64. If Nero did make music during the fire, it is more likely that he played the lyre or sang either “The Capture of Troy” or “The Burning of Troy”. After the fire, Nero helped to rebuild Rome in his own twisted image. He created an enormous palace for himself on the ground where many Romans had perished, generating the belief that Nero was responsible for burning down Rome. He had to disprove this belief, and blamed the Christians.
Christians everywhere, many of whom believed Nero to be the devil, hated him. He crucified some, fed some to wild animals, and tied some others to posts, which he set on fire and used as human torches in his garden. However, the persecution of the Christians didn’t completely save Nero’s reputation. The Senate soon set out to kill him. Rather than be humiliated, Nero decided to drink poison. His last words were: “What an artist the world loses in me!”


Finally, here is the works cited page for both of them. I mad this using noodletools.com( I'm sure they would enjoy it if you checked out their fantastic website, or even subscribed):

Donn, Lin. "Ancient Rome for Kids - Emperor Nero." Editorial.
MrDonn.org. N.p., n.d. Web. 27 May 2010. .

Mellor, Ronald, and Marni McGee. "Misery, Mistrust, Madness, and
Murder: Successors of Augustus." The Ancient Roman World. Oxford:
Oxford UP, 2004. 98-100. Print.

Nosotro, Rit. "Nero." Editorial. Hyper History. N.p., 2000-
2009. Web. 27 May 2010. .


As a background for my sppech I made a poster of Rome burning (thanks for the help, Dad) and dressed in Roman atire ( a toga with grape leaves in my hair and a zither on my lap (I couldn't fing a lyre). Anyway, I guess it's time to close this post, until next time, oh what an artist the world loses in me!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Pointless Stories That We Can All Glean From

Written by: Silas Jones

Orange

There once was a very old woman who lived in an orange house. The house had orange walls, orange ceilings, orange floors, orange doors, orange carpets, and orange windows complete with orange drapes and orange panes. Her orange living room was complete with an orange television set, an orange sofa, an orange rocking chair, an orange piano, an orange bookshelf stocked with orange books discussing all things orange, an orange china cabinet with orange china in it: orange teapots with little orange lids, orange wineglasses coated with orange dust, and orange dolls with porcelain hands and faces wearing orange hats and little orange dresses, and oranges sitting in little orange dishes on a series of orange coffee tables. Her bedroom was decked with orange beds, and her bathroom with orange bathtubs and sinks. Her kitchen featured a variety of orange food, and she owned no fewer then 25 orange house cats. Her body was coated in countless orange tattoos, as were the bodies of her mother, father, sister and niece. Anyway, one day this very old woman was walking down the street when a strange man approached her. He informed her that he was taking a survey, and wanted to know what her favorite color was. The woman then smiled a peculiar half-smile, and gave her reply: "I simply adore red!" The moral of this story is as follows: things are not always what they seem.


The Small Package

An extremely formal man lived in an extremely formal house with an extremely formal wife. One of the things that his wife adored about him was his love of expressions: "Don't judge a book by its cover, slow and steady wins the race, and his favorite, good things come in small packages. Anyway, one day a very small package arrived at the man's doorstep. He bent down, picked it up, and turn the wrapping paper off, only to discover that it was a bomb, and to explode along with his house, his wife, and everything he had ever loved. The moral of this story: Morals and sayings don't always apply, but that includes this moral. So, basically, there are no true morals, except for it being inadvisable to eat poison, although if you wanted to commit suicide it might be advisable, so I stand by my first statement.

Ha! A little silliness goes a long way.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Willy Wonka, Wonderland, and High School Musical

On the last day of school I was informed that there are three possible musicals that my school could do next year: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Alice in Wonderland, or *gag* High School Musical. I would greatly enjoy Willy Wonka, even if I was forced to be Augustus Gloop, and Alice in Wonderland would be fun, but I simply would not be able to stand High School Musical. I don't even know if I would bother auditioning, and yes, I would much rather have to sing "I Eat More!" in a German accent than have to act out the "timeless" story of Troy and Gabriella and sing and dance in pointless musical numbers. However, there are many versions of all these musicals, so I don't have a clue which one we will do. Most people would rather do High School Musical, but how about you? Vote in the poll to the right.

Ah, the looming summer. Heat, heat, heat. I spent most of today googling the above plays, playing connect four, battleship, and don't spill the beans, and watching television. My parents work all day, and so I am stuck watching my siblings. IS this what summer is going to be like? Well, no. I'm planning on going camping next weekend with my sisters, my mother, and some friends. For now I'm stuck typing and typing and typing and typing...

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Here are the lyrics to "Chew it", Violet Beauregarde's big number, "I See It All on T.V." which is sung by Mike Teevea and his mother, "I Eat More" via Augustus Gloop, and the well-known "I Want It Now" from Veruca Salt, whose name comes from a wart-remover in Roald Dahl's medicine cabinent. Anyway, here they are:

Chew It


Violet:
I only have one dream in life,
There’s very little to it,
To own one stick of lifelong gum
And all life long to chew it!
I’d chew it all through childhood.
I’d chew it when I wed!
If I survive to ninety-five,
I’ll chew it till I’m dead!

Willy Wonka:
But this gum here’s much better than that one!
This gum here is a three course dinner!
Pea soup, roast beef an’ blueberry ice cream!
Blueberry is the nicest ice cream!
You may feel fat,
But in face, you’re thinner!
Even after a three course dinner!


Mike:
Yo, Violet, you’re so busted!

Veruca:
That gum is gonna do it!

All:
Her candy fame gone down the drain!

Willy Wonka:
I asked her not to chew it!


Violet:
Too late, Willy! Nothin’ to it!
‘Cos I know just how to chew it!
There is no need to pooh-pooh it!
All I have to do is do it!


Charlie:
Violet, it’s so bad for you!

Mike:
Yo, Violet, dude, you’re turnin’ blue!

Veruca:
Violet, what you gonna do?
Just stand there singing “Am I Blue?”


All:
Yes, she’s turning blue, it’s true!
Oh, Violet, you are now bright blue!


Violet:
That rotten lousy gum, I knew it!
Blueberry blue and fat as suet!
I guess I blew it!
Blew it! Blew it! BLEW IT!!

I See It All On TV

Mike:
Some kids like electric trains,
And some kids like to use their brains
To earn a university degree!
I don’t share their thirst for knowledge.
I don’t need to go to college.
Me, I see it all on TV!


Mrs. Teevea:
Some kids like to sing an’ dance,
An’ some kids go to Paris, France,
While others visit Washington, D.C.


Mike:
I don’t learn a single think,
‘Cos I can download anything.
It’s all on my computer for free!


Mrs. Teevea:
Some kids go to baseball games,
And other kids have useless aims
Like ten days at a boyscout jamboree.


Mike:
While wimpy kids read books of verse,
I PLAY “DESTROY THE UNIVERSE”!!!
No one has Nintendo games like me!


Mrs. Teevea:
Some kids like to fly balloons,
Or play the latest top ten tunes,
While others wanna surf in Waikiki.


Mike:
I can visit London, Rome,

Mrs. Teevea:
An’ Tokyo without leavin’ home.

Mike:
Take a spaceship to the moon,

Mrs. Teevea:
An’ back on any afternoon.


Both:
Yes, we can do it all from A to Z.
‘Cos we got our computer!
All our stuff is wireless!
We can see it all on TV!

Mike:
On TV
,
Mrs. Teevea:
On TV,

Phineos Trout:
On TV!

All:
On TV!


I Eat More

Mrs. Gloop:
Ve give him fruit juice for breakfast plus melons und mangoes und cereals, bananas und cream!
Zen fried eggs mit bacon, tomahtoes und mushrooms, mit bread rolls und buns by ze ream!
Und coffee und toast spread mit butter und marmalahd, sveetmeats und neat treats galore!


Phineos Trout:
And what does Augustus do when breakfast’s through?


Augustus:
I eat more, I eat more!
Between meals ze cook feeds me all kinds of goodies like choc’lates und puddings und snacks!


Mrs. Gloop:
You must understand young Augustus is my little piggy, zere’s nuhzing he lacks!

Augustus:
Mom has Vonka bars sent in in sacks!

Mrs. Gloop:
‘Cos zey help little Gussie relax!


Phineos Trout:
Then dinner?


Mrs. Gloop:
Of course, is his meal of ze day ven Augustus comes right off his diet….

Augustus:
It’s hamburgers, hot dogs, und ten tons of french fries, und if I vant more, zey supply it!

Mrs. Gloop:
Augustus keeps eating,

Augustus:
Und eating, und eating!

Mrs. Gloop:
Until he subsides to ze floor….


Phineos Trout:
And then when he’s finally back on his feet, the kid can’t even get through the door?


Mrs. Gloop:
Und zat’s vy Augustus has lived in ze dining room, right from ze day he vas four!


Phineos Trout:
So what does the poor little lad do all night to prevent life becoming a bore?


Augustus:
I eat more! I eat more! I eat more! I eat more! I eat more!


Mrs. Gloop:
More!


Augustus:
More!


Both:
More!


Mrss. Gloop:
He eats more, he eats more, he eats more, he eats more!


Augustus:
I eat more!

I Want It Now

Veruca:
I want a feast.
I want a bean feast!
Cream buns, and donuts, and fruitcakes with no nuts,
So good you could go nuts!
Give ‘em to me…now!

I want a party with roomfuls of laughter.
I want a ton of ice cream!
And if I don’t get the things I am after,
I’m going to scream!

I want the works.
I want the whole works!
Presents and prizes
And sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizes, and now!

Don’t care how!
I want it now!
Don’t care how!
I want it now!!!!


Anyway, be sure to vote, because I want you to now!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Clue - Live

I recently decided to host a Clue - Live! party. I decided that my suspects would be Ms. Scarlet, Cornel Mustard, Mrs. White, Professor Plum, Mrs. Peacock, Mr. Green, Miss Peach, M. Brunette, Madame Rose, Lady Lavender, and Sgt. Gray. The weapons are the wrench, rope, lead pipe, revolver, candlestick, knife, poison, horseshoe, pillow, frying pan, and ice pick. The rooms are the ballroom, the billiard room, the hall, the conservatory, the dining room, the kitchen, the library, the study, and the lounge. Anyway, in each room I am going to hide a Clue pertaining to a suspect, weapon, or room. If the Clue tells you about a suspect, weapon, or room, then that cannot be in the case file. The solution that I decided on is: Mrs. White, in the Lounge, with the Rope. You can change who did it by writing some CLues of our own. Anyway, here are all of the Clues:

If Black, is night, it’s not,
The lawyer’s plight, it’s not,
But in between, it’s seldom seen,
But certainly not light.
Answer: Sgt. Gray

If tree fruits were to marry,
Them being Plum and Peach,
Putting aside their differences,
A baby’s life to reach.
If tree fruits were to marry,
Their child needn’t beseech,
For Peach lightened her eyes,
And Plum darkened beneath.
Answer: Lady Lavender

If sweetness was perfection,
Perfection would be she,
If sweetness were heaven,
She’d score 203,
If sweetness was perfection,
Not that it ought to be,
The pit would be perfection,
Wouldn’t she?
Answer: Miss Peach

Flowers bloom,
Flowers zoom,
Flowers grow,
To make room.
There are no missing flowers,
There are no missing flowers,
So do not waste the hours,
Dwelling on the very thought of it.
Answer: Madame Rose

Order to you,
Order to me,
Order to Order,
Order to He,
Order to Paint,
And brushes and glue,
Order to me, and order to you.
Answer: M. Brunette

I stare from above,
The world is at my fingertips,
I spy a hawk, a crow, and something more,
A perfect display of all that is good in the world,
Bright colors,
Innocence.
Answer: Mrs. Peacock

Washington is first,
Jefferson is two,
Three and four are gone,
And so are faces two,
Lincoln is five
Hamilton, Jackson, Grant,
Needless to say that Grant,
Would Scream and Rave and Rant,
Franklin, McKinley, Cleveland,
Madison and Chase,
Yet not running about,
From place to place to place,
Wilson is in fact,
The highest that they go,
At 100,000,
He steals the show.
So keep your trust in God,
A color you will see,
And He of colored faith,
Innocent Be.
P.S.: E Pluribus Unum
Answer: Mr. Green

Not to be mixed up with another,
His color distinguishes him from some brothers,
Einstein’s definition of insanity,
Or Julius Caesar’s death-to-be,
Or Egypt’s Great Mythology,
All of it comes naturally.
Answer: Professor Plum

Like father, like son,
Like Mother, like Daughter,
Like Father, like Daughter?
No matter. He’s dead.
Answer: Miss Scarlet


Orange is nice, but it’s not perfect,
Red is bright, but it will go lame,
Brown is dark, but death is destined,
And Purple will lose this game,
Pink is lovely,
White is sweet,
Gray and Blue are nice,
Lavender doesn’t smell like feet,
And Green is quite polite,
Now all of these are nice, I say,
But like I said before,
None of them would survive,
In war!
Answer: Cornel Mustard

The head, I admit,
Is a venerable place,
A place to kill,
A place to race,
Yet of the weapons for the head,
One is gone without a trace,
From your elimination.
The world, I admit,
Is a horrible place,
A place to die,
Without a trace,
You will go lame without this one,
Have I met,
Your expectations?
Answer: Horseshoe

IDOLS of gods cloud with steam,
CENTERING around a dead man’s dream,
EXITING the world in some way, how?
PLEASE read these clues and you’ll learn how.
IF only later you’ll say “wow”!
1. CORRECT the errors in this clue.
2. KILL the first following a rule.
Answer: Ice Pick

The egg is on your head. Where am I you ask?
Answer: Frying Pan

Your head is weak, dead, and limp. Celebrate; the world is at peace, because of me.
Answer: Pillow

Shrimp Scampi! Yum!
Fried Chicken! Delicious!
Fried Asparagus! Great!
Assuming you’re not me.
Answer: Poison

One hit the vase. Two hit the door. Three hit the door again. Four hit the chandelier. Five hit the telegram girl. Six hit the butler.
Answer: Revolver

If the Kitchen was the hotel, I am the resident.
If the Clue was the home, am a housecat.
If you didn’t know about me before tonight, I’m surprised.
If you knew about my partner before you knew about me, I’m even more surprised.
Answer: Knife

Smoke issues like an endless peace,
But your lungs are not at peace,
Lucky this isn’t it’s use,
Although water is no less polluted.
Answer: Lead Pipe

When your asthma kicks in, I’m present.
Unless there is another source,
The chimney billows smoke,
I’m left out.
Answer: Candlestick

Fixing a pipe, but I’m no pipe.
Killing a man, but I’m no man,
Learning a speech, but I can’t learn,
Visiting a zoo, which I’m within,
Among chimpanzees and apes.
Answer: Wrench

A little game of Clue we played,
A game within a game today,
Find the game a velvet and green,
A fortune-telling magic dream.
Answer: Billiard Room

Ghosts dance by,
Frolicking by,
Wondering why,
In the room with the champagne flutes.
Answer: Ballroom

Welcome, My Friends,
Wipe Your Feet,
There are no clues,
Prepare to eat,
Cross, My Friends,
Wave Goodbye,
Say Farewell,
Eat, Oh my!
Read, My Friends,
This little note,
Remember the first,
Forget the second,
Remember My Friends!
Answer: Hall

Turn to Page 303,
Read the writing,
For the first 20,
Once that’s read,
You’re sure to find,
The answer to this puzzle!
Location: Conservatory
Answer: Library

Sit, and stay!
Dwell, today!
Place yourself in light!
Sit, today!
Dwell, and stay!
Where Alice has made things right!
Answer: Conservatory

Learn is step one,
This is step two,
This is step three,
This is step four,
It could go on,
But I will not,
Take is step five,
Earn is step six,
Although steps two-four are optional.
Answer: Study

Skinning you!
Plucking you!
Shredding you!
Eating you!
Before you eat,
And ask for more.
Where has it,
Been before?
Answer: Kitchen

Have you heard the tale,
Of Edwin McGale,
Who was so hungry,
He ate a whale,
Yes, he grew fat,
And that is that,
But where did he eat the whale?
Answer: Dining Room


I am in need of several other Clues, but I can't think of any. I might just put up signs in various rooms saying: No Clue Here! on certain rounds. Also, I added a complex plot that involved various others arriving at the manor. It would not work for everyone, but it seems to be a promising idea. Be creative, and feel free to use any of these Clues in your own Clue game.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Letter To No One

Dear No One,
The book lies open, reading is not a crutch but a wing, flying is the crutch, imagination is neither wing nor crutch, but comes from flying which is a crutch and reading which is a wing. How can this be?

Sincerely,
You'll Never Guess Who

I have been doing this a lot: typing wierd poem-like things into the search box in google, and seeing what comes up. This one turned into a strange letter. I call it the letter to no one.

Here's another letter to no one:

Dear No One,
If I were to stare at a rather square ball, would it become round? How can a ball be square in the first place? I think not, but in my sight I see one. A misfit. A lamb in a field of llamas. My eyes glaze over from the intensity of thought. Llamas devour the grass, and the lamb weeps. The tears are like the blood of the llamas as the lamb attracts lions to the field. Yet the lamb escapes. What does tell me about myself? Am I a lamb or a llama? I think I am a lamb, but is this good? Would I want to spend the day in the feild of llamas? Will the computer notice if I spell "llama" with capitol I's, as in ice that cannot support the weight of the lamb, who drowns, and joins the horrid IIamas. Yes, it noticed. But who is the villian in this scene? Are you a llama, a lion, or a lamb? Please give your thoughts to me, and tell me if the lions are the best? I think so, as they survive, and kill because they must. The llamas and lambs don't kill, but they still spread evil in their own ways. Lions being good made me think of Aslan from the series by C. S. Lewis. The Chronicles of Narnia. How good is a writer? Can a writer even be capable of good? Yes, but only bad ones. Does this seem right? I hope not.

Sincerely,
You'll Never Guess Who

I hope you enjoyed a little nonsense.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Poetry

Welcome to my happy stars glowing in the faint breezing happily joyous peace calmness here there money is extremely happy staring at the world turning towards the sun noticing writing a noticing glaring at the dog is out of the house for good god where is my child's truck rolls down the street and hits the olden days are behind us, and thus we sing in harmony, melody looked behind the house in the hope of spotting a pound that she gained by eating doe a deer I love you,

Sincerely,

Silas Jones

I have decieded to type a post that features a lot of random words in a random order. Read this aloud: it actually has somewhat of a moving story. IF you like it, here is another.

Pointlessness of it, endless, the voice of a nymph in the airily staying in the perfection of this new year's day, yet the wind sweeps and staring in the wind is a man of sole intensions, his shoes black with soot, his face a blur on the evening wind, the world at his fingertips, my life in his hands, for death is he! Death is upon us all, but for now it is upon me, and he swindles out the candle, and the world in black with woe and misery, for alas, he is here.

Does this sound poetic to you? Note to self: maybe you should start writing poetry. It sounds old-timey to me, like something ouot of the mouth of an writer for the 18th Century. Please comment - yes, I know it's wierd.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Clue By Me!

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot: I created my own version of Clue. I played it with my family, and it didn't really work out, but I decided to post some of my cards online. Feel free to use these cards in any version of CLue that you design. There are quite a few, so I'll only post the checklists now. Here they are:

Room Checklist Yes/ No

Hall
Library
Dining Room
Kitchen
Study
Lounge
Conservatory
Ballroom
Billiard Room
Garden
Master Bedroom
Nursery
Bathroom
Drawing Room

Player Character Weapon Murderer, Detective, or Spectator

I can't figure out how to link word documents to posts, or I would be linking you to the documents. However, here are all of the cards that I made.


Miss Scarlet:
Cornel Mustard:
Mrs. Peacock:
Mr. Green:
Mrs. White:
Professor Plum:
Miss Peach:
Sgt. Gray:
Madame Rose:
Monsieur Brunette:
Lady Lavender:
Prince Azure:

Wrench:
Lead Pipe:
Revolver:
Rope:
Knife:
Candlestick:
Pillow:
Pen:
Marble Bust:
Ice Pick:
Quilt:
Poison:

Hall:
Library:
Conservatory:
Lounge:
Ballroom:
Kitchen:
Dining Room:
Billiard Room:
Study:
Master Bedroom:
Garden:
Drawing Room:
Nursery:
Bathroom:

Who's Who: Murderer:
Who's Who: Spectator:
Who's Who: Detective:

Pass Card:

I put a lot of effort into this. Feel free to create you're own game of clue using these cards. If you want to see an image that I used ask for it in a comment.

I Changed My Template!

O.K., I really don't have any big news, but my old template was getting somewhat old, so I just changed it. I hope the new template doesn't confuse you too much: the layout is basically the same, and there are only a few major changes.

I apologize for not having posted in a while: my grandmother is extremely sick, I have been preoccupied by the NJ ASK test, and I just had a flute concert, not to mention that my piano and choir concerts are approaching fast. I'll try to post some more, but as of currently I am heading out the door to see my Grandma in the hospital, so I can't make this pst much longer. Please keep my Grandma in your hearts: I hope all goes well.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Mythology Island!

O.K., I know that I have not really been posting about Poptropica Islands a lot, but there is another one coming out on April 29th: Mythology Island. Just to keep you updated, here is a complete list of all Poptropica Islands in order:

Early Poptropica
Shark Tooth
24 Carrot
Time Tangled
Super Power
Spy
Nabooti
Big Nate
Astro-Knights
Counterfeit
Reality T.V.
Mythology (Coming Soon)
Skullduggery (Coming Soon)

I don't know much about Skulldduggery Island, but I am ecstatic about Mythology Island, because I am such a huge fan of Mythology. I know that we meet Hades, and, by the look of the trailer, Athena and Posiedon on our quest. Zeus is sure to be there, but I wonder about Dionysus and Demeter. I suppose that we can only hope.

Please enjoy this dramatic trailer as we do something that we all love: wait.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Clue - The Musical

I just learned that Clue is also a musical! I found a few clips on youtube, but if anyone knows where I can find the script, or even a few song lyrics online, please comment on this post or email me at readersjj@gmail.com. Here is a song from Clue -The Musical:

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Seussical is Ready!

Hello, It's Silas, and I am happy to announce that Seussical Jr. is ready to roll. If you are interested in seeing the show, please come to Williamstown Middleschool on April 15, 16, or 17 at 7:00. The cost of a ticket is $5.00. Please come: my school could really use the money.

Here is our cast list:

The Cat in the Hat: Vanessa Vause
Thing 1: Delilah Valentine
Thing 2: Ashley Vail
JoJo: Nicholas Flagg
Horton: Matthew Vesley
Gertrude: Cailyn Wolf
Mayzie: Amanda Peacock
Sour Kangaroo: Megan Canonica
Young Kangaroo: Lindsay Saiia
Mr. Mayor: Silas Jones (me)
Mrs. Mayor: Emma Streckenbein

Bird Girls:
Rachel Bacon
Sydni Collins
Rachel Hluchy
Alyssa McLaughlin

Wickershams:
Daniel Laskowski
William Murphy
Paul Sigall
Rocky Ciminera
Michael Beckford
Matthew Buehler

Yertle The Turtle: Kelsey Brown
Who Singer: Brandon Palazzo
Grinch: Jelani Lugo
Vlad Vladikoff: Joey Chirico
Pillberry Bush: Anelis Hernandez
Hunters:
Chelsea Vickers
Karly Raebiger

Jungle Animals:

Emily Anderson
Julia Bernudez
Jessica Blackburn
Stephanie Boateng
Nicole DeAcereto
Iayana Elie
Alexis Esposito
Esther Folaranmi
Elizabeth Hartka
Janine Jengehino
Kristy Li
Hannah Marcellina
Catherine Messe
Laura Oliveto
Karly Raebiger
Mary Beth Ruggiero
Deja Sanderlin
Lindsey Sowers
Amanda Stokely
Allison Streckenbein
Melanie Traub
Catherine Tullo
Brielle Viviani
Alyson Vogelsang

The Whos:

Brianna Bradford
Julia Cortes
Marina Fortuna
Maya Jones
Karia Lefebre
Allison Lempa
Samantha Swanger
Naeilah Odom
Kate Palmo
Chelsea Vickers
Sarah Tucci

The Fish:

Emily Anderson
Jessica Blackburn
Iayana Elie
Marina Fortuna
Elizabeth Hartka
Janine Jengehino
Allison Streckenbein
Melanie Traub
Chelsea Vickers
Brielle Viviani
Alyson Vogelsang
Catherine Messe
Laura Oliveto
Catherine Tullo
Deja Messe

Whew! That cast list is 65 people long, plus the fish, who all have other parts. A lot of typing. Anyway, we all worked really hard on the show, and would really appreciate it if you came. I hope to see you there.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Greek Gods and Goddesses Of The Week: Dionysus

O.K, I know that it isn't Monday, but I feel like posting anyway. I had to write a speech on him for school, in which I had to dress up like Dionysus. Here is my complete script:



I am Dionysus, God of Wine and Revelry! The Romans called me Bacchus, those nasty stealers! However, they can’t be half-bad, seeing as they worship me! Anyhow, I live on Mt. Olympus, which means that, when compared to me, you are all simply vermin. Not that I like to brag, but besides being God of Wine, I can also be symbolized by grapes, wine cups, wine-skins, the thyrsus, which is a staff made out of a pine cone, lions, bulls, goats, tigers, flutes, pomegranates, the snake, and ivy! Disrespect any of these symbols, and you will feel my wrath! Which, of course, is very great, seeing as I possess superhuman-strength, vitality, and longevity, as well as the power to change form, teleport myself, control vine growth, and make you go insane, like you had been drinking wine. Which reminds me (gulps down some grape juice). Ah, that’s better. Now, I am a god who is extremely loyal to my wives. I only have a few, two of which include Ariadne, the Princess of Crete, and Aphrodite, Goddess of Love. Ariadne and I had four children: Oenopion, Thomas, Cataphylls, and Peparethus. Aphrodite and I had three children: Charites, Hymenaios, and Priapus. No, despite the fact that it might seem like I have quite a few children, I simply hate them. I would much rather spend my days partying and drinking wine than bringing another disgusting, little wretch into existence. Now, there are many famous myths about me, including one about my premature death. Hera, Queen of the Gods, disliked the fact that my father, Zeus, had given birth to me. Desperate for revenge, she hired some Titan-assasins to murder me. They lured me to them with toys and other luxuries--I have always had a weakness for the finer things--where, they slayed me. On the ground, where my blood fell, a pomegranate tree grew. This disconcerted the Titans, who proceeded to make me into a soup. They shall not go unpunished! Athena was then brought to me, drawn by the smell of Dionysus-soup. Ha, ha, ha. She then resurrected me, and I then proceeded to go into hiding, where I invented wine, my greatest achievement. Anyhow, I then proceeded to explore the world, when pirates captured me. They mocked me, so I made grape vines surround the ship, and the roaring of tigers fill their ears. They were so scared that they jumped overboard, apparently to their doom. However, I’m a nice guy, so I took pity on them, and turned them into the world’s first dolphins. Ever wonder why dolphins were so human-like? Anyway, … (gulps down another glass of wine) so refreshing! I…(gulp) I can be quite loving and peaceful… (gulp) But not right now! (gulp) Ahhhhh! See you next year! Sianara! Auf wiedersehen! Au revoir! Especially to you, Aphrodite! Dionysus out!


In case you didn't feel like reading that, here is his complete profile:

God(dess): Dionysus
Roman Name: Bacchus
God of: Wine and Revelry
One of the Fourteen Main Olympians: Yes
Mother: Semele, a mortal
Father: Zeus
Children: Oenopion, Thomas, Cataphylls, Peparethus, Charites, Hymenaios, and Priapus
Myth: See above

Monday, April 5, 2010

Greek Gods and Goddesses Of The Week



I am obsessed with Greek mythology. Therefore, to share my obbsession with the world, I have decided to post a Greek God or Goddess profile each week. I'll start with some major gods and some of my favorites and work my way down. Anyway, today is a Monday, so it seems like as good a time as any to begin.

My favorite Goddess is either Athena or Hestia, and my favorite God is either Posiedon or Dionysus. However, I think that we shouldn't start with the most powerful or least powerful, so lets start with Demeter.


Demeter is the goddess of farming and agriculture. Her daughter's name is Peresephone (a different goddess for a different day). She can be symbolized by a handfull of harvested wheat, the pig, the snake (also the symbol of Dionysus), corn, and the sceptre. What follows is Demeter's complete profile:

God(dess): Demeter
Roman Name: Ceres
God of: Farming and agriculture
One of the Fourteen Main Olympians: Yes
Mother: Rhea
Father: Kronos
Children: Persephone, Despoena, Plutus, Kore (nameless one), Arion
Myth: One of Demeter's myth refers to the time that her daughter, Peresephone, was abducted by Hades. The young girl was frolicking in the fields when suddenly an enormous pit opened up below her feet. Up came Hades, Lord of the Dead. He kidnapped Persephone, and dragged her down to be Queen of the Underworld. Enraged, Demeter stopped making plants grow. the world would have perished if not for Zeus, King of The Gods, who managed to console Demeter. He said that Hades had no right to Persephone, and that she should be returned to Demeter. However, Persephone, lost in thought, had devoured several pomegranate seeds in the Underworld. Since she had eaten the food of the dead, she always had to return to the Underworld during the year, one month for each seed she had eaten. During this time, Demeter would cause plants not to grow well. This is the reason the seasons change.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Reality T.V. Island Walkthrough

Hello, sorry about the legnght of time between this post and my last--I've been very busy. anyhow, the newest Poptropica island, Reality T.V. Island, recently premiered. Here is how to complete it.

1. Go to the island on your map.
2. Go into the store and click on the guy reading a magazine. He will drop it. Pick it up.
3. Take the magazine, and remove the form about registering for Reality T.V.
4. Go to the apartment building, and go into the door entitled, "Motel Office".
5. Click on the can filled with pens. Take one, and use it to write any message in the registration form.
6. Click on the phone, and call the number found inside the magazine for pizza.
7. A pizza person will show up. She doesn't know where to deliver the pizza, so take it from her and bring it to room 4B.
8. Give the pizza to the man in room 4B. In exchange, he will give you a stamp.
9. Go into the T.V. store, change the channel on a T.V. You now know where to send the registration form.
10. Send the form in the mail. You are now on the show. Now comes the harder part. You must avoid being eliminated and compete in various random challenges with various random contestants. The winner of each challenge wins emunity. you must win the last challenge to win the show and the island

I hope that this helps anyone who needs help. Also, must contestants on the show tend to vote for the loser of that day's challenge.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Presidents Song

I've had this song stuck in my head.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Poptropica Island Help

If anyone needs help on Potropica email me at readersjj@gmail.com or comment on this post. I will post complete walkthroughs for any islands you need help on.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Goo Got Talent







More episodes are still to come!

Seussical Script

Here is the script for reall Seussical. My sricpt is slightly different.


S
eussical
Music: Stephen Flaherty
Lyrics: Lynn Ahrens
Book: Lynn Ahrens, Stephen Flaherty
Premiere: Thursday, November 30, 2000
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Musical Numbers

1. Oh, The Thinks You Can Think
3. Horton Hears A Who*
4. Biggest Blame Fool
5. Here On Who
6. Oh, The Thinks You Can Think (Reprise)
7. It's Possible (McElligott's Pool)
8. How to Raise A Child
9. The Military
9e. The Military (Playoff: Green Eggs and Ham)
10. Alone In The Universe
11. The One Feather Tail Of Miss Gertrude McFuzz
12. Amayzing Mayzie
12a. Amayzing Gertrude
13. Monkey Around
14. Chasing The Whos
15. How Lucky You Are
16. Notice Me, Horton
16a. How Lucky You Are (Reprise)
17. Act I Finale
18. Seussical Entr'Acte
19. Egg, Nest and Tree
20. The Circus McGurkus
20c. The Circus On Tour/How Lucky You Are (Reprise)
21. Mayzie In Palm Beach
21b. Amayzing Horton
21c. Alone In The Universe (Reprise)
22. Solla Sollew
23. Green Eggs And Ham II
24. Into the Whos' Christmas Pageant
24a. The Grinch Carved The Roast Beast
24b. A Message From The Front/ Solla Sollew (Reprise)
25. JoJo Alone In The Universe
26. Havin' A Hunch
27a. All For You (Verse)
27b. All For You
28. The People Versus Horton The Elephant
28d. Yopp!/Alone In The Universe (Reprise)
29. Oh, The Thinks You Can Think (Finale Act 2)
30. Green Eggs and Ham (Curtain Call)



ACT I

A strange red-and-white-striped hat sits on a very empty stage. A BOY (who will later play JOJO) enters and notices it.

BOY
Now that is a very unusual hat.
I wonder what's under a hat such as that.
It could be a creature they call the Ga-Zat
Who balances things on his head, cause it's flat.
Or a stripe-loving Pipester from Upper Mount Bat.
Or a sort of a kind of a hat-wearing...
Cat!

(THE BOY picks up the hat, and THE CAT IN THE HAT suddenly appears)

1. OH, THE THINKS YOU CAN THINK

CAT IN THE HAT
I can see that you've got quite a mind for your age!
Why, one Think and you dragged me right onto the stage!
Now, I'm here, there is no telling what may ensue
With a Cat such as me, and a Thinker like you!

(THE CAT begins to "create" the Seussian world of imagination for THE BOY)

Oh, the thinks you can think!
Oh, the thinks you can think
If you're willing to try...

Think invisible ink!
Or a gink with a stink!
Or a stair to the sky...
If you open your mind,
Oh, the thinks you will find
Lining up to get loose...
Oh, the thinks you can think
When you think about...

(The company of "Seussian" characters now enters)

CAT, ALL (except BOY)
Seuss! Seuss!
Seuss! Seuss!
Seuss! Seuss! Seuss! Seuss!
Seuss!

CAT & ALL (except BOY)
Oh, the thinks you can think!
Any thinker who thinks
Can come up with a few!

BOY
Oh, the thinks you can think!

CAT & ALL
Think a trip on a ship
To the Vipper of Vipp

WOMEN
Or to Solla Sollew...

CAT (spoken)
Think of beautiful Schlopp ...

BOY (spoken)
With a cherry on top!

CAT, BOY, ALL
You don't need an excuse!

CAT, BOY (spoken)
Oh, the thinks you can think

CAT, BOY, ALL
When you think about Seuss!
Seuss, Seuss, Seuss,-
Seuss....

HORTON
Think of an elephant up in a tree

MAYOR, MRS. MAYOR
Think of a person too tiny to see!

GERTRUDE
Think of a bird with a one-feather tail

ALL
Going on adventure down a dangerous trail!

MAYZIE
Think a bird who flies off on a spree!

SOUR KANGAROO
Think of a kangaroo, sour as can be!

SCHMITZ
Think of a general crazy for war!

CAT
Think of something horrible and hairy!

CAT, PRINCIPLES (except BOY)
Something sinister and scary

ALL (except BOY)
That you never dared to think of before!

ALL (except CAT & BOY)
Think of nobody here
And the feeling of fear
And the darkness of night
(with menace)
Oooh Oooh...

ALL, CAT
All alone in your room
As you're facing your doom

CAT (spoken)
Think a glimmer of light!!

ALL (except BOY)
(with relief)
Aah Aah!

CAT
But I hope you're prepared
To be scareder than scared!

CAT, ALL (except BOY)
'Cause this ain't mother goose!

CAT (spoken)
Think right over the brink!

CAT, ALL (except BOY)
When you think about Seuss!



MEN WOMEN
Seu-u-u-u-u
Seu... Seu...
Seu-u-u-uss Seuss!
Seu-u-u-u-u
Seuss! Seuss! Seuss! Seuss!

CAT
An unusual story will soon be unfurled
Of an elephant trying to save a small world
And a boy from that world who has Thinks just like you!

CAT IN THE HAT, ALL
Just think!

WHOS
From the Planet of Who

BOY
And the smallest of small.

CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE
To the jungle of Nool,

HORTON
And the largest of all...

GROUP I GROUP 2
You think You think
And think and think and think and think
and think
And think and think and think and think
and think
And think and think and think and think
and think
And think and think and think!
and think!

ALL, BOY
Just think!

ALL
Oh, the thinks you can think
Think and wonder and dream-
Far and wide as you dare!

CAT
Oh, the thinks you can think!

ALL
When your thinks have run dry,
In the blink of an eye
There's another think there!
If you open your mind,
Oh, the thinks you will find
Lining up to get loose!
Oh, the thinks you can think

BARITONES AND BASSES
Oh, the thinks you can think

ALL
Oh, the thinks you can think!

TENORS
Oh, the thinks you can think!

ALL
Oh, the thinks you can think
When you think about Seuss!
When you think about Seuss!
When you think about Seuss!

(The SOUR KANGAROO riffs through the following)

GROUP I GROUP 2 GROUP 3 GROUP 4
Seu-u-u-u Seu ... Seu.. Seuss! Seuss!
Seu ... Seu.. Seuss! Seuss! Seuss!
Seu-u-u-u Seuss! Seuss! Seuss!
Seu-u-u-uss Seuss!
Seuss! Seuss!
Seu-u-u-u-u Seu ... Seu ... Seuss!
Seuss! Seuss!

BOY
Seuss!

CAT
Our story begins
With a very strange sound -
The drums of a jungle
Beginning to pound.

(Jungle drums begin.)
CAT
Now, imagine a sky.

BOY
I'll imagine bright blue!

(BOY and CAT create a blue sky and a jungle setting.)

CAT
It's the Jungle of Nool!

BOY
Near the River Walloo!

(The CAT and the BOY watch as the Jungle of Nool is revealed. The JUNGLE CITIZENS enter, along with the BIRD GIRLS, a flamboyant "girl group" of the jungle.)

3. HORTON HEARS A WHO

CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE
Who who wah dah
Who who who wah dah dah dah
Who who wah dah
Who who who wah dah

Who who wah dah
Who who who wah dah dah dah
Who who wah dah
Who who who wah dah

Who who wah dah
Who who who wah dah dah dah
Who who wah dah
Who who

CAT
Now think of an elephant lumbering through.

(We now see HORTON THE ELEPHANT.)

CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE
Who who wah dah
Who who who wah dah dah dah

BOY (spoken)
Horton!

CAT
Yes, Horton!

CAT & BOY
Horton Hears a Who!

HORTON
On the fifteenth of May
In the jungle of Nool
In the heat of the day,
In the cool of the pool,
He was splashing

JUNGLE CITIZENS
Splash!

HORTON
Enjoying the jungle's great joys
When Horton the elephant

BOY
Horton the Elephant

BIRD GIRLS, ALL
Horton the elephant

HORTON
Heard a small noise.

MAYOR (Offstage, distant and tiny)
Help! Help!

BIRD GIRL #1
So Horton stopped splashing
He looked toward the sound

HORTON
That's funny.

BIRD GIRLS
Thought Horton-

HORTON
There's no one around.

BIRD GIRL #3
Then he heard it again

BIRD GIRL #2
Just a very faint yelp

HORTON
As if some tiny person were calling for help

MAYOR (Offstage, distant and tiny)
Help! Help!

HORTON
I'll help you

BIRD GIRLS
Said Horton

HORTON
But who are you, and where?

BIRD GIRLS
He looked and he looked.

BIRD GIRLS, HORTON
He could see nothing there
But a small speck of dust
Blowing past...

(All follow an invisible speck of dust with their eyes, as it shoots past and stops in front of HORTON.)

HORTON, BIRD GIRLS
Through the air.

HORTON
I say! How confusing!
I've never heard tell
Of a small speck of dust that is able to yell,
So you know what I think?
Why I think that there must be someone on top of that small speck of dust.
Some poor little person
Who's shaking with fear
That he'll blow in the pool!
He has no way to steer!
He's alone in the universe!
I'll just have to save him
Because after all,
A person's a person, no matter how small.
A person's a person no matter how-

HORTON JUNGLE CITIZENS
Small... Who who wah dah
who who who wah dah dah dah
who who wah dah
who who

BIRD GIRLS # 1,2,3
So, gently, and using
The greatest of care,
The elephant stretched
His great trunk through the air,
And he lifted the dust speck
And carried it over
And placed it down,

HORTON (spoken)
Safe!

BIRD GIRLS
On a very soft clover.

(THE SOUR KANGAROO makes an impressive entrance.)

4. BIGGEST BLAME FOOL

SOUR KANGAROO
Humpf! ... Humpfed a voice.
'Twas a sour kangaroo,
And the young kangaroo in her pouch said:

YOUNG KANGAROO
"Humpf"

SOUR KANGAROO
Too!

SOUR KANGAROO
Why that speck is as small as the head of a pin.
A person on that? Why there never has been!
(She laughs derisively)
You're the biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool
And I don't care who I tell. The biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool,

YOUNG KANGAROO
And I think so as well!

SOUR KANGAROO
Maybe I'm nasty, maybe I'm cruel
But you're the biggest blame fool

YOUNG KANGAROO
In the Jungle of Nool.

HORTON
It's true. Please believe me! I tell you sincerely
My ears are quite keen and I heard him quite clearly
I know there's a person down there. And what's more,
Quite likely there's two.
Even three.
Even four!

(The WICKERSHAM BROTHERS enter - a trio of monkeys up to mischief)

WICKERSHAM #2
Ha! Laughed a voice!

WICKERSHAM #1,3
Ha! Laughed some others!

WICKERSHAMS
Ha! Ha! Ha! Laughed the Wickersham brothers!

(They dance with glee.)

Oh, he's the biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of Nool
And monkeys like us should know.

SOUR KANGAROO
No, no, no, no!

WICKERSHAMS
We've been out on a limb
Lookin' down on him-

WICKERSHAM #1
And he's fat!

WICKERSHAM #2
He's dumb!

WICKERSHAM #3
He's slow!

SOUR KANGAROO
Uh huh!

SOUR KANGAROO & WICKERSHAMS
Elephants ain't too swift as a rule
But he's the biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool.
'Cause he's talkin' to a speck - talkin' to a speck -
To a speck of dust

WICKERSHAM #3
Blame fool in the Jungle of Nool

WICKERSHAMS & BIRD GIRLS & SOUR KANGAROO
Talkin' to a speck
Talkin' to a speck -
To a speck of dust!

WICKERSHAM #3
Blame fool in the Jungle of Nool

SOUR KANGAROO
R-e-s-p-e-c-k!
Oh, please! Take that speck away!

ALL
Did you hear? Did you hear? Did you, did you hear?

BIRD GIRLS
Through the jungle, the news quickly flew.

ALL
Did you hear? Did you hear?
Did you, did you hear?

BIRD GIRLS
He talks to a dust speck!
It's on Channel Two!

(THE BOY instantly envisions the whole scene on TV. THE CAT IN THE HAT now plays a TALK SHOW HOST of the "sympathetic" variety, a la Sally Jesse Raphael, microphone in hand.)

CAT (as TALK SHOW HOST)
Our topic today is "Psychic elephants who hear voices.'
Whaddaya think, folks...
Is the elephant off his trunk?
We'll he right back with "speck", "clover", "dust", "neighbor", 'who'....

(CAT holds the microphone to the clover for a beat)

Nothing! Stay tuned - we'll be right back!

(The CAT now interviews GERTRUDE MCFUZZ, a plain bird with a one-feather tail)

ALL
Biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of Nool

GERTRUDE
I'm Gertrude McFuzz, and I live right next door.
He's never done anything crazy before.

ALL
Biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of Nool

GERTRUDE
He's always been friendly and loyal and kind.
I just don't believe Horton's out of his mind!

ALL
Did you hear? Did you hear?
Did you, did you hear?

(The glamorous and flamboyant MAYZIE LA BIRD is now interviewed)

MAYZIE
I'm Mayzie La Bird
And I live in that tree.

ALL
Did you hear? Did you hear? Did you, did you hear?

MAYZIE
Enough about Horton. Let's talk about me!

MAYZIE, BIRD GIRLS
Let's talk about, talk about,
Talk about, talk about...
Me!

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)
Talkin' to a speck
Talkin' to a speck
To a speck of dust

WICKERSHAM #3 SOUR KANGAROO
Blame fool in the Just a fool, just a fool
Jungle of Nool Just a fool

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)
Talkin' to a speck
Talkin' to a speck
To a speck of dust

WICKERSHAM #3 SOUR KANGAROO
Blame fool in the Fool!
Jungle of Nool

HORTON
I just have to save them, because after all
A person's a person no matter how small.

HORTON & GERTRUDE
A person's a person no matter how...

(Their intimate moment is interrupted by the others)

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)
Biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of Nool
He's the worst we ever saw!

BIRD GIRLS
Tellin' lies, makin' jokes

WICKERSHAMS
It's an elephant hoax!

YERTLE THE TURTLE, WICKERSHAMS, BIRD GIRLS
Brother, that's against the law!

SOUR KANGAROO, BIRD GIRLS, WICKS, YERTLE, MAYZIE
Breakin' the peace, creatin' a fuss!

SOUR KANGAROO
Somebody's thinkin' different than us!

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)
Biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of


ALL SOUR KANGAROO
Nool, Nool, Nool! (riffs)
In the Jungle of Nool, Nool, Nool!
In the Jungle of Nool, Nool, Nool!

(The CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE begin to exit.)

CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE
Who who wah dah
Who who WICKERSHAMS #1,2,3
Who wah dah dah dah Better look out,
Who who wah dah Better look out, Horton
Who who Better look out
Who wah dah dah dah
Who who wah dah WICKERSHAM #1
Who who Or someone's gonna get
Who wah dah dah dah Your clover!
Who who wah dah
Who who WICKERSHAMS #1,2,3
Who wah dah dah dah Better look out,
Who who wah dah Better look out, Horton,
Who who Better look out,
Better look out!

(GERTRUDE remains behind for one moment, looking at HORTON longingly.)

GERTRUDE
On the fifteenth of May, Miss Gertrude McFuzz
Discovered how truly unique Horton Was.
But she knew to approach him
Would probably fail,
'Cause who'd notice a bird
With a one feather tail?

(GERTRUDE exits dejectedly. HORTON is alone with the speck. He listens closely.)

MAYOR (Offstage, tiny and distant)
Help! Help!

CAT
Then the voice came again.
Calling over and over...

MAYOR (Offstage, tiny and distant)
Help! Help!

CAT
So he tried to think
Who might be down on that clover.

HORTON
Hello? Is anyone there?

(MR. and MRS. MAYOR are revealed.)

Who are you?

5. HERE ON WHO

MAYOR
Well,
We're who's here.
We are Whos here.
Smaller than the eye can see.
It's true, sir.
We're who's who, sir.
I'm a Who and so is she.

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
We're tiny little people
Blowing by in the air,
Wondering how and why
We're on Who,
The ti-iniest
Planet in the sky!

(The entire WHO population is revealed. HORTON listens intently and reacts throughout the entire song as the WHOS tell him their story)

WHOS
A-ladela-deladela who who
A-ladela-deladela who

TWO WHO SOPRANOS
Who!

WHOS
A-ladela-deladela who who
A-ladela-dela...

We're Whos here,
Win or lose here,
Struggling to stay alive.

Each gust pro-
Pels our dust. Oh,
How the heck
Do Whos survive?

At any given moment
We could crash or be drowned,
Hitting the ground, oh my!
Here on who,
The ti-iniest
Planet in the sky

(Calliope-like)

WHO MEN WHO WOMEN
Who! Who! Who! Who!

MAYOR
I'm the mayor.

WHO MEN WHO WOMEN
Who! Who! Who! Who!

MRS. MAYOR
I'm his wife.

WHO MEN WHO WOMEN
Who! Who! Who! Who!

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
Just imagine the Whos' unusual life!

WHO FAMILY #1
Picture the tiniest houses and grocery stores.

WHO WOMEN
Who...

WHO FAMILY #2
Tiny umbrellas that drip on the tiniest floors.

WHO MEN
Who...

WHO FAMILY #3
The tiniest tunnels and tiniest streets.

WHO FAMILY #4
Miniature buses with miniature seats.

WHO FAMILY #5
Miniature buildings with miniature windows and doors!

HORTON
No smaller town than yours

(The WHO MARCHING BAND enters.)

WHOS
We've got a marching band
That is small but grand
Oh, you ought to hear them wail!

(The BAND plays on strange instruments)

WHOS
Who! Who! Who!
Every Christmastime, without fail,
Mr. Grinch presents his Christmas tale!

(The GRINCH appears and the WHOS gather around him)

GRINCH
I re-enact my Christmas tale!

(He begins to declaim)

Every who down in Whoville
Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville
Did not!

(The WHOS applaud with delight)

MAYOR
Imagine a place that is tidy
And totally clean,

WHOS
Who...

GRINCH
Where even a Grinch wouldn't dare to be totally mean!

WHOS
Who...

MAYOR
You think that it's heaven on earth
Yes, you do!
But heaven on earth isn't heaven on Who!

WHOS
Troubles on Who
Are the biggest that you've ever seen.

MAYOR
We're on the brink of war, they say

ALL WHOS
We're going to war, and oh my!

MAYOR
'Cause if we do, then here on Who

WHOS
Well, you can kiss Whoville goodbye!

MAYOR
Our skies are unbearably dark

MRS. MAYOR
And war is unbearably near...

MAYOR
And that's not the end of our troubles
Here...

ALL WHOS
For on the other side of town
The Truffula trees were all cut down.
They once stood tall, in all their glory-
But that's another story...

So here on who
We live in fear.
We're drifting through space
And cannot steer!
A troubled and a tiny land ...
Our future's in your hand ...

(They move closer, appealing to the listening HORTON.)

It's up to
You, sir.
Please help Who, sir.
You're the only one who hears.


You must, sir! MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
Save our dust, sir! Save our dust, sir!
Now that we have reached
Your ears!

We're tiny little people
Saying thanks in advance
Hoping perchance, you'll try!
Here on Who,
The ti-iniest
Planet in the sky...

(HORTON listens to the clover with great seriousness.)

HORTON
I won't let you down.
No, I won't let you fall.
A person's a person
No matter how small.
A person's a person
No matter how small.

WHOS
Whoooo!

(The WHOS begin to recede.)

WHOS (mysterious)
Who Who...

(Light comes up on the CAT.)

CAT
An invisible world. Amazing but true.
We'll leave Horton to listen, and we'll zoom in on Who.
But guess who enters the story now?

BOY
Who?

CAT
You!

MR. MAYOR
Meet a tiny Who family on a small rainy day.

MRS. MAYOR
Mom and Dad are just home from the Who PTA.

CAT
And here's their son JoJo!

(To THE BOY'S surprise, THE CAT pushes him into the scene, and he becomes a character in the story. From now on, we will call him JOJO. He is now with his parents, MR. MAYOR and MRS. MAYOR.)

MRS. MAYOR
In trouble again!

MR. and MRS. MAYOR, CAT
'Cause his Thinks take him places where no one has been.

(JOJO's parents begin to scold him. THE CAT reacts with guilty amusement. We can see he's the one who got JOJO into trouble! JOJO can see THE CAT, but his parents can't.)

MR. MAYOR
I'm the mayor of Who. Why I've just been elected.
And upright behavior is thus forth expected.

MRS. MAYOR
But we've just had a talk with your teachers today
And they didn't have one single good thing to say

MR. MAYOR
You invented new Thinks which defy all description!

MRS. MAYOR
You gave Miss O'Dooley a nervous conniption!

MR. MAYOR
Your Thinks were so wild they disrupted your classes
And made Mrs. Mackel-Who drop her new glasses.
Which is why you're suspended! Yes, that's what they said!
Young man, what in Who has got into your head?!

JOJO
I...um...

(JOJO looks to the CAT for help, but the CAT makes it clear he's on his own)

MR. MAYOR
Now Horton has found us. We're safe on a clover.
But clearly our troubles are far, far from over.


MRS. MAYOR
We don't mean to scold you.
We love you, oh, yes, dear.
But couldn't you try thinking just a bit less, dear?

MR. MAYOR
Stop telling such outlandish tales.

MRS. MAYOR
Stop turning minnows into whales.

MR. MAYOR
Now take your bath and go to bed.

MR. & MRS. MAYOR
And think some normal thinks instead.

(PARENTS exit, leaving JOJO alone to take his bath. He turns accusingly to THE CAT.)

JOJO
You got me in trouble!
Get out! Go away!

CAT
All right, I'll be going.
But first, let me say:

6. OH THE THINKS YOU CAN THINK (REPRISE)

CAT JOJO
Oh the thinks you can think. Stop!

CAT JOJO
Oh the thinks you can think Be quiet!

CAT JOJO
As you splash and you splish. I'm not listening!

(JOJO tries to hum to block out the CAT)

CAT JOJO
As you sit there and scrub Hmmmm Hmmmm...
Have a think in that tub.
Think of water...and fish!

(This catches JOJO's interest)

JOJO
Fish?

CAT
Think of pipes in the floor
Leading off to a shore
Where the water is cool...
Soon your tub's not a tub...

JOJO
It's...McElligot's Pool!

7. IT'S POSSIBLE (McElligot's Pool)

JOJO
This might be a pool,
Like I've read of in books,
Connected to one of those underground brooks!
An underground river
That starts here and flows
Right under this bathtub!
And then-
Who knows!

It's possible!
Anything's possible!

JOJO, CAT
It's possible!
Anything's possible!

(JOJO's imagination starts to expand.)

JOJO
It might go along,
Down where no one can see
Right under state highway
Two hundred and three!
Right under the wagons!
Right under the toes
Of Mrs. Umbroso! ...
Who's hanging out clothes!

It's possible!
Anything's possible.

JOJO, CAT
It's possible!
Anything's possible!

JOJO
This might be a river
Now mightn't it be,
Connecting McElligot's Pool with the sea!
Then maybe some fish might be swimming...
Swimming toward me!

(We are suddenly underwater. Strange fish appear - all shapes and sizes, wildly-coloured and wildly improbable. The FISH dance and swoop through the water in a "water ballet" with JOJO)

FISH FALSETTO GROUP
Ah! Oo-wee-ee-ee-ee-ooh!
It's possible!
It's possible...
Ah! Oo-wee-ee-ee-ee-ooh!
It's possible
It's possible...
Ah!

JOJO FISH
Oh, the sea is so full Ooh ... Wah-ooh ...
Of a number of fish
If a fellow is patient Ooh ... Wah-ooh ...
He might get his wish!
And that's why I think Ooh ... Wah-ooh ...
That I'm not such a fool
When I sit here and fish When I sit here and fish
In McElligot's pool!

It's possible. It's possible
It's possible
Anything's
Possible. Possible.

It's possible. It's possible
It's possible
Anything's
Possible. Possible.

It's possible...
Anything...
Anything...

(JOJO's parents abruptly interrupt his fantasy.)

MR. MAYOR
Jojo! The tub's overflowed on the floor!
The water is running right under the door!

MRS. MAYOR
The ceiling is peeling! You've flooded the den!
Oh, JoJo, I think you've been Thinking again!

MR. MAYOR
I say this with firmness and terrible sorrow,
Young man, we will deal with you come tomorrow!

(MR. and MRS. MAYOR exit)

JOJO
I still think
That I'm not such a fool
When I sit here and fish
In McElligot's pool!

CAT
It's possible.

(The FISH magically re-appear)

JOJO, CAT & FISH
Anything's ...
Possible!

(Lights out on JOJO, as JOJO's PARENTS appear.)

8. HOW TO RAISE A CHILD

MRS. MAYOR
He was Mommy's little boy.

MR. MAYOR
He was Daddy's little man.

BOTH
He was never any trouble till this...
"Thinking Thing" began!

MR. MAYOR
We must both lay down the law.

MRS. MAYOR
Will he hate us?

MR. MAYOR
Maybe so.

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
Oh, where are the instructions
On how to raise a child?
Who has the instructions
On how to raise a child?
Who has all the answers?
I don't know.

(The CAT pops up and hands them a brochure.)

MRS. MAYOR (Reading)
Does your child give you troubles?
Do his grades keep on shrinking?

MR. MAYOR (Reading)
Does he drive teachers wild
With his uncontrolled thinking?

MR. & MRS. MAYOR (Reading)
As a parent, are you
Overwhelmed? Insecure?
The help that you seek
Is inside this brochure!

(An alarm clock goes off, loudly. JOJO's parents put on big, cheerful smiles and wake him)

MAYOR
It's nine, son.
Rise and shine, son,
It's a very special day!

MRS. MAYOR
Get dressed, dear.
Look your best, dear.
Soon you will be on your way.

MAYOR
Now, here is your pencil.


MRS. MAYOR
Here are your mittens.

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
Here is your sword --

JOJO
My...sword?

(The CAT IN THE HAT blows a fanfare as GENERAL GENGHIS KAHN SCHMITZ arrives grandly.)

SCHMITZ
I'm General Genghis Kahn Schmitz.
I scare children out of their wits.
But you'll see at a glance, sir,
My school is the answer
For shirkers and dreamers and twits...
And in this case, I'd say the shoe fits!

Ten hut! Feet together. Chin up. Eyes on the prize, forward ... Harch!

(JOJO begins to march in place.)

9. THE MILITARY

SCHMITZ
The military academy
Is the place where he should be sent.
We'll drill the silliness from his head-
I'm sure we'll make a dent!

We'll teach him fighting
And left and righting
Until he's muscled and tan!
A-hut-two-three!
He's pathetic!
A-hut-two-three!
Unathletic!
A-hut-two-three!
But I'm betting we can!
The military!
That's what makes a boy...
A man!

(CADETS enter)

CADETS
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,

SCHMITZ
Look at these boys. Why, you'd never know that just a few short months ago this one hummed in the shower! This one couldn't color within the lines. And this one actually had an Opinion!

SCHMITZ
Our boys believe
In the right of every who
To eat their bread
Butter side up!

CADETS
Butter side up!

SCHMITZ
One thing we trust
On this fragile speck of dust
Is eating bread
Butter side up!

JOJO
Butter side up?

SCHMITZ
And as for those who like their butter down

CADETS
Down! Down! Down!

SCHMITZ, CADETS
We'll go to war
And run them out of town!

(DANCE BREAK, in which the CADETS perform military exercises. JOJO tries to imitate them with little success.)

CADETS
A-hut-two-three!

SCHMITZ
We enlist 'em.

CADETS
A-Hut-Two-Three

SCHMITZ
In our system.
And boys soon see
Nothing's easier than...
The military!

SCHMITZ CADETS
That's what makes a boy...
That's what makes a boy... That's what makes a boy ... That's what makes a boy...
A man!!! A man!!!

(SCHMITZ starts a "marching call" and the CADETS begin to march off in line. JOJO tries to keep up.)

9E. THE MILITARY (PLAYOFF: GREEN EGGS AND HAM)

SCHMITZ
I do not like green eggs and ham!

CADETS
Do not like green eggs and ham!

SCHMITZ
I do not like them, Sam I am!

CADETS
Do not like them, Sam I am!

SCHMITZ
Sound off!

CADETS
Eggs and ham!

SCHMITZ
Sound off!

CADETS
Sam I am!

SCHMITZ & CADETS
I do not like green eggs...
And ham!
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz...

(JOJO'S PARENTS are gone as the scene transitions to JOJO'S military school, HE is now alone in his bunk bed. Simultaneously we see HORTON alone, guarding his clover. Night falls.)

10. ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE

HORTON
I've been guarding this clover
For over a week,
Getting laughed at
For thinking a dust speck can speak.
Well, let them all laugh
I'll try not to mind,
For I have found something
That they'll never find!

There are secrets on a leaf,
In the water, in the air,
Hidden planets, tiny worlds,
All invisible!
Not a person seems to know.
Not a person seems to care.
There is no one who believes a thing I say...

Well, I'm fairly certain
At one time or other,
Great thinkers all feel this way!

I'm alone in the universe.
So alone in the universe.
I've found magic but they don't see it

They all call me a lunatic.
Ok, call me a lunatic.
If I stand on my own, so be it.

'Cause I have wings.
Yes, I can fly
Around the moon
And far beyond the sky
And one day soon
I know there you'll be
One small voice in the universe
One true friend in the universe
Who believes in me...

JOJO HORTON
I'm alone in the universe.
So alone in the universe.
My own planets and stars
Are glowing.
Alone in the universe
No one notices anything.
Not one person is listening.
They don't have any way of knowing.
Nobody knows that
I have wings
I have wings.
Yes, I can fly
I can fly
Around the moon
And far
Beyond the sky Beyond the sky

BOTH
Well someday soon
You will hear my plea

HORTON
One small voice in the universe

JOJO
One true friend in the universe

BOTH
Please believe in me ...

HORTON (softly, to his clover)
Hello...hello?

JOJO (startled)
Hello?

HORTON (startled as well)
Who's there?

JOJO
It's me, Jojo. The Mayor's son.

HORTON
I'm Horton. The Elephant

JOJO
Are you real, or are you a very large think?

HORTON
Oh, I'm real, all right. I would state that in ink.

JOJO
In my thinks, I imagine a lot of strange things
And I go to strange places, as if I had wings!
I love a good think!

HORTON
Well, for me that goes double.

JOJO
Sometimes my thinks are what get me in trouble.

HORTON
When you think, do you dream?

JOJO
In bright colors!

HORTON
Me too. And I go to strange places
Like Solla Sollew!

JOJO
When you think, do you think
You could fly to the stars?

HORTON
Little friend, no one else
Could have thinks such as ours!

(HORTON and JOJO imagine they are flying through the starry universe.)

HORTON JOJO
Yes, I have wings.
I have wings
And I can fly
I can fly ...
Around the moon
And far beyond the sky Beyond the sky ...
You called my name
And you set me free-
One small voice in the universe

JOJO
One true friend in the universe

BOTH
Who believes in me.

HORTON
Goodnight Jojo.

JOJO
Goodnight Horton. See you in Solla Sollew!

(HORTON exits and JOJO goes to sleep. Suddenly, THE CAT pops up behind JOJO's bed and shakes him awake.)

CAT
Wake up! The scene's over!
There's more to be heard.
There goes our hero. Who enters?

JOJO
The bird!

(GERTRUDE McFUZZ enters, carrying a small guitar.)

GERTRUDE
"Love Song for Horton" Four Hundred and Thirty-Seven.

(GERTRUDE begins to play and sing.)

11. THE ONE FEATHER TAIL OF MISS GERTRUDE McFUZZ

GERTRUDE
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo doo...
There once was a girl bird named Gertrude McFuzz
And she had the smallest plain tail ever was.
One droopy-droop feather, that's all that she had
And oh! That one feather made Gertrude so sad

She curled it. She dyed it she gave it a puff
She decked it with flowers
But it wasn't enough.
For no matter what,
It just was what it was-
A tail that simply wasn't meant
To catch the eye of an elephant...
The one feather tail of Miss Gertrude McFuzz.

12. AMAYZING MAYZIE

MAYZIE
Poor little Gertrude!
A sorry sight!
Well, I'm gonna take you under my wing
And baby, you'll be all right!

I was once a plain little bird like you, kid.
One pathetic feather was all I grew.
I had nothing showoff-ish.
What's a plain bird to do?
And there's certainly nothing showoff-ish on you!

GERTRUDE
Thank you, Mayzie

MAYZIE
Then I made a plan for my self-improvement
No more crumbs. I vowed I would have the cake!
Yes, I went to the doctor-

GERTRUDE & BIRD GIRLS
Doctor Dake by the lake!

MAYZIE
And he told me
What sort of a pill I should take...
Now I'm ......
Amayzing Mayzie!
As feathered as feathered can be now!
Amayzing Mayzie!
It was all for sale!

MAYZIE & BIRD GIRLS
Amayzing Mayzie!

MAYZIE
The birds are all whistling at me now.

MAYZIE & BIRD GIRLS
Amayzing Mayzie!

MAYZIE
Baby, that's my tail!

(MAYZIE begins to dance, flaunting her tail. GERTRUDE watches in awe.)

BIRD GIRLS
High or low

GERTRUDE
Gee, it's fabulous!

BIRD GIRLS
Watch her go

GERTRUDE
Gee, I'm envious!

BIRD GIRLS
To and fro,-
Mayzie's fabulous tail!

GERTRUDE
I wish I had one like it.

BIRD GIRLS
Left and right

GERTRUDE
Best I've ever seen.

BIRD GIRLS
Day or night

MAYZIE
Kid, you're turning green!

GERTRUDE & BIRD GIRLS
What a sight-
Mayzie's fabulous tail!

MAYZIE BIRD GIRLS
Get those pills
Get the pills
And you can have frills
Frills!

MAYZIE & BIRD GIRLS
For all the world to see.
And you can be amayzing-

MAYZIE
Almost...
As amayzing...
As me!!!

(MAYZIE exits with flare.)

12a. AMAYZING GERTRUDE

GERTRUDE
So she flew to the doctor, the doctor named Dake
Whose office was high in a tree by the lake.
And she cried, -Mr. Doctor! - oh, please, do you know
Of some kind of pill that will make my tail grow?

(The CAT appears as DR. DAKE, wearing a stethoscope)

CAT (as Doctor Dake)
"Tut tut!", said the Doctor.
Such talk! It's too absurd!
Your little tail is just right
For your kind of bird!

(NOTE: The CAT may use German, pig Latin, unintelligible gibberish or anything else that's funny in order to say the above. However, if anything but plain English is used for the above, then please add the following lines in parenthesis to provide a "translation":

GERTRUDE
(Baffled)
Huh??

CAT (as Doctor Dake)
In other words, your little tail is just right for your kind of bird!

GERTRUDE
(having a tantrum)
Then Gertrude had tantrums. She raised such a din
That finally the doctor just had to give in.

CAT (as Doctor Dake)
(Reacts to her tantrum)
Alright already! Bring in the Pill-berry bush!

(DR. DAKE'S NURSE brings in the pill-berry bush. GERTRUDE plucks and eats some of the pills)

GERTRUDE
Gulp! Gulp! Gulp! Gulp gulp gulp!
GERTRUDE
What was that?
Something's itching me!
What was that?
Something's twitching me!
What was that?
Are those feathers I see?
I think my tail's beginning!
Oh my word!
This is wonderful!
Second, third,
Wow, I'm colorful!
What a bird
I'm beginning to be...
Amayzing Gertrude

BIRD GIRLS
Just look at the tail she is sportin,

GERTRUDE & BIRD GIRLS
Amayzing Gertrude

GERTRUDE
Thank you, Doctor Dake!

BIRD GIRLS
Thanks, doc!

GERTRUDE & BIRD GIRLS
Amayzing Gertrude!

GERTRUDE
And hopefully I'll impress Horton!

BIRD GIRLS
Amayzing Gertrude...

(She starts taking more pills)

GERTRUDE
One more pill will do me good
Yes, it will!
One more, one more, one more pill

BIRD GIRLS
Soon, she'll have the biggest tail...
She'll have the biggest tail!

GERTRUDE
I'll have the biggest tail!

GERTRUDE & BIRD GIRLS
The biggest tail of...

GERTRUDE
All!
BIRD GIRLS
All!

(GERTRUDE freezes for a minute. THE CAT IN THE HAT and JOJO appear together, somewhere "out of the frame', observing GERTRUDE in the story)

JOJO
So Gertrude is happy. Her tail's nice and long.

CAT
Kid, fasten your seat belt.
'Cause now things go wrong!

(MUSIC kicks in as GERTRUDE exits. Lights come up on the jungle at night. It's dark and menacing. The WICKERSHAM BROTHERS are hanging around, looking for a little fun.)


13. MONKEY AROUND

WICKERSHAMS
Yeah!

WICKERSHAM #1
There's a rustle in the bushes.
There's a tremble in the trees.
Hear it like a whisper
Smell it on the summer breeze.

WICKERSHAMS
Mm-hmm!

WICKERSHAM #1 WICKERSHAMS #2, 3
Somethin' big is getting nearer Ooh ...mm-hmm!
Somethin' big is comin' through Ooh ...mm-hmm
Got some monkey business Ah ...

WICKERSHAMS
That's what we intend to do...
WICKERSHAMS
Come on!
I wanna monkey,
Monkey around
Come on!
I gotta monkey
Monkey around
Come on!
We're gonna monkey
Ooh, we're gonna monkey around! Ooh!

(HORTON enters, clutching his clover)

HORTON
The Wickershams. Uh, hello.

(The WICKERSHAM BROTHERS circle HORTON)

WICKERSHAM #2
Well, it's bigger than a breadbox WICKERSHAM # 1,3
Mm-hmm!

WICKERSHAM #3
Hey, it's wider than a whale!
WICKERSHAMS #1,2
Mm-hmm!

WICKERSHAM #1
Peanut butter breath

WICKERSHAMS
And scared to death from head to tail!

WICKERSHAM #1
So you're still talking to dust oh, that's hot!

WICKERSHAM #2
A dust speck that's all full of Whos who are not!

WICKERSHAM #3
There aren't any Whos. Why I don't hear a sound!

WICKERSHAMS
Come on! We've gotta monkey... Monkey around!

(The WICKERSHAM BROTHERS grab the clover and run. HORTON follows them. The chase is on!)

HORTON
Hey! Give that back! Stop!

(CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE enter to watch and comment)

14. CHASING THE WHOS

SOUR KANGAROO
Up out of the jungle
Up into the sky.
Up over the mountains

SOUR KANGAROO & BIRD GIRLS
Ten thousand feet high.

SOUR KANGAROO
Then down from the mountains

SOUR KANGAROO & BIRD GIRLS
And into the news-

ALL
Went Horton the elephant
Chasing the Whos!

WOMEN
Chasing the Whos!

MEN
Chasing the Whos!

(THE CAT enters as a HELICOPTER NEWSCASTER, wearing headphones. SFX: Helicopter blades.)

CAT (AS NEWSCASTER)
This is the cat in the hat
Live from Skycam Five.
Folks, the Jungle of Nool
Is one heck of a drive.
We've got monkeys backed up
To the three-oh-two
I'd find alternate routes
If I were you!

(THE CAT "flies" off)


WICKERSHAMS, SOUR KANGAROO & BIRD GIRLS
Then over the desert,
The Desert of Dreze!
And into the forest
With thousands of trees
Past Sneetches on beaches

SOUR KANGAROO
And sour kangaroos!

ALL (except Horton & "Vocally low" men
"vocally low" men)
Went Horton the elephant
Chasing the Whos Chasing the Whos!
Chasing the...
Chasing the Whos! Chasing the Whos!

(The WICKERSHAM BROTHERS stop running and surround HORTON, holding the clover just out of reach)

WICKERSHAM #1
Still chasing your dust?
Why it's safe as can be.

WICKERSHAM #2
We're monkeys to trust
Or don't you agree?

WICKERSHAM #3
Well, just to be sure
We are handing it off

WICKERSHAMS
To a black-bottomed eagle named--

VLAD VLADIKOFF
Vlad Vladikoff!!
(an eagle shriek)
AAAHHH!

(VLAD VLADIKOFF swoops in and grabs the clover. Horton gives chase again)

HORTON
No! Please! Wait!!

BIRD GIRLS
All that late afternoon
And far into the night
BIRD GIRLS
That black-bottomed bird
Flapped his wings in fast flight,
And he paid no attention
To Horton's loud call:

HORTON
A person's a person
No matter how small!

(We see the WHOS being swept from side to side as the eagle swoops. JOJO is with them. They all cling to one another in terror)

WHOS (SCREAMING)
OOOH ... AAAHHH!!!

We're Whos here! We're all Whos here!
Please don't let us fall!
(screams)
Aaah!
We're Whos here. We could bruise here!
Helpless, weak and small.

CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE, WHOS
On Horton traveled
And on that bird flew.
And, oh, there was trouble,

WHOS
Trouble on Who!

ALL (INCLUDING WHOS)
That black-bottomed eagle was cruel as could be...

HORTON
'Cause at six fifty-six, Vlad Vladikoff dropped it
The clover went tumbling and nobody stopped it!
And head over heels, one hundred miles down,
Fell the poor little Whos and their whole tiny town!

WHOS (Scream)
Aaah!

(THE CAT IN THE HAT appears in the midst of this grim moment and blithely freezes the Whos in mid-fall)

15. HOW LUCKY YOU ARE

CAT
When the news is all bad,
When you're sour and blue,
When you start to get mad
You should do what I do-

(The CAT mischievously lets the WHOS fall a few more feet)

WHOS
Aaah!

CAT IN THE HAT
Tell yourself
How lucky you are...

When your life's going wrong
When the fates are unkind
When you're limping along
And get kicked from behind
Tell yourself how lucky you are...

(THE CAT lets the WHOS fall a little more)

WHOS
Aaah!

CAT
Why decry a cloudy sky
An empty purse
A crazy universe?
My philosophy is simply
Things could be worse!

(The CAT sniffs the clover sneezes allergically - all over THE WHOS)

AH ... AH.. AH-CHOO!

(The WHOS react in disgust at being sneezed on)

WHOS
EWWW!

CAT
So be happy you're here.
Think of life as a thrill
CAT
And if worse comes to worse
(As we all know it will)
Thank your lucky star
You've gotten this far...

We're here in this beautiful theatre -

(To a child in the audience - obviously a rich kid!)

CAT
And you're in the first row!
(To audience)
How lucky to be in the theatre!
More lucky than you know!
You could have the luck of our hero
Whose luck has been running low

FOR CERTAIN!

Curtain!

(We see the huge pink clover field into which the WHOS have dropped)

HORTON
Oh, no!

CAT
How lucky you are!
How lucky, how lucky you are!

(THE CAT, WHOS and JOJO are gone, and HORTON stands alone)

HORTON
That bird let that clover drop somewhere inside
Of a great patch of clovers, one hundred miles wide!
I'll find it, I'll find it! I'll find it or bust!
I shall find my friends on their small speck of dust.
Yes, clover by clover by clover with care
I'll listen and I'll call, are you there?
Are you there? Are you there? Are you there?

(HORTON begins his search for the WHOS clover by clover . He picks one up, carefully puts it to his ear, listens for a beat, then tosses it over his shoulder. He repeats this, carefully listening and then tossing. GERTRUDE MCFUZZ enters. Her tail is now magnificent! She sings to HORTON, but he takes no notice because he is searching for the speck of dust)

16. NOTICE ME, HORTON

GERTRUDE
It's taken all my courage to approach you
Not to mention all my stamina to follow you
Across the hills and deserts.
But I feel as if I'm ready
To confess to you the feelings
That I've hidden with great diligence and labor...
Behind the faŠ·ade
Of your odd little next-door neighbor.

My eyes are too small.
I have very large feet.
And I'm not very proud of my pitiful tweet
But I've now got a tail
That is something to see...

HORTON
One hundred and two. One hundred and three.

GERTRUDE
Oh, notice me, Horton, feather by feather.
This is your next-door neighbor calling!
Notice me, Horton.
Horton, together
We could be great
Oh, notice me, Horton
Put down the clover!
This is your next door neighbor calling.
There's a new leaf
Your neighbor's turned over-

HORTON
Over and over,
Clover by clover...

GERTRUDE, HORTON
I was just a no one only yesterday.
You showed up and showed me something more.
Now I've become a someone
Who has someone to believe in
And to be there for...

(HORTON continues his search)

GERTRUDE
(Quietly determined)
I will not give up hope.
I was hooked from the start
When I noticed your kind
And your powerful heart.
So notice me, Horton...

HORTON
Oh, the world would be something new

GERTRUDE
Notice me, Horton

HORTON
If they noticed a thing or two...

GERTRUDE
Notice me, Horton

GERTRUDE, HORTON
The way I notice you.

(The clock ticks as HORTON continues his clover search. GERTRUDE finally exits in defeat. Time jumps to much later in his search.)

HORTON
Two million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine. It's hopeless.

MAYZIE
You said it kid.

(For a second, HORTON thinks he's heard the WHOS!)

HORTON
Who's there?

MAYZIE
It's me. Mayzie. Up here.

(HORTON sees MAYZIE sitting on a huge, colorful egg, in a nest, in a tree)

HORTON
Mayzie .. Are you on a nest?

MAYZIE (defensive)
Yeah. You wanna make something of it?

HORTON
No, I just never thought I'd see you on a nest

MAYZIE
Neither did I, Hort...neither did I.

(The CAT as PIANIST rides out on a small, Seussian piano and plays a musical intro for MAYZIE)

16a. HOW LUCKY YOU ARE (MAYZIE'S REPRISE)

MAYZIE
(improvised vocal scat)
Da da da da da da da...

I was down in Fort Worth,
Just a girl on the wing,
When I met Tweet McFirth.
Oh, could that night owl sing!
Tell yourself
How lucky you are!

CAT (AS PIANIST)
How lucky, how lucky you are-

MAYZIE
It was three weeks of bliss.
Then the usual segue:
He flew off to San Juan
Leaving me with this egg!
Tell yourself
How lucky you are!

CAT (AS PIANIST)
How lucky you are!

MAYZIE
Now I'm bored and
I'm cranky and tired
Sitting day after day.
Who knew so much work was required?!
I'd much rather play!
I need a vacation!
I'm due for some rest-
Hey, Horton, would you maybe like to sit on my nest-?


HORTON
Why, Mayzie I couldn't. Of all silly things!
I haven't got feathers. I haven't got wings.
And not only that, but I'm here on a search.
I just couldn't leave my poor Whos in the lurch!

MAYZIE
I won't be gone long, kid. I give you my word.
I'll hurry right back, 'cause I'm that sort of bird!
Oh, Horton, I promise! I'll fly back real soon.
I'd only be gone for, say, one afternoon!

(A beat, as HORTON considers this)

HORTON (relenting)
Well, we all need vacations.
All right go on, take it
I'll sit on your egg
And I'll try not to break it
But please come back quickly-
One hour, maybe two.
I need to find Jojo.
I've got to save Who!

MAYZIE
Hit it cat!

(The CAT strikes up an energetic Latin beat on the piano, accompanying MAYZIE as she flies off, thrilled with her newfound freedom.)

Thanks! Thanks a million! Toodle-oooo!

(The BIRD GIRLS watch as HORTON climbs the tree with great trepidation and gingerly gets into the nest.)


FINALE

BIRD GIRLS
Then carefully, tenderly,
Gently he crept
Up the trunk to the nest
Where the little egg slept.
Then Horton the elephant smiled:

HORTON
Now that's that.

BIRD GIRLS
And he sat and he sat
And he sat and he sat.

He sat all that day
And he kept the egg warm...
And he sat all that night
Through a terrible storm...

(The CAT enters and gleefully squirts HORTON with a water pistol)

BIRD GIRLS
Ooh...Ahh!

HORTON
I'm cold and I'm wet
And I'm catching the flu.
Oh, Mayzie, please hurry!
I've got to save Who!
Oh, Mayzie, please hurry!
I've got to save Who!

(The season changes. THE CAT dumps autumn leaves on HORTON. GERTRUDE McFUZZ enters. Her tail is now extremely long - in fact, some of it still remains offstage)

GERTRUDE
Horton, I brought you a scarf.

HORTON
Thank you, Gertrude. Have you heard from Mayzie?

GERTRUDE
She sent a card from Palm Beach.

HORTON
Palm Beach! Gertrude, what if she never comes back?

GERTRUDE
Don't worry, she will. Um, Horton, notice anything different?

HORTON
Yes, it's g-g-g-getting colder.

(GERTRUDE sighs and exits. HORTON still doesn't notice her tail, which crosses the stage long after she's gone)

BIRD GIRLS (& OTHER WOMEN O.S.)
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!...A-aah!

BIRD GIRLS
And then came the winter..
The snow and the sleet
And icicles hung
From his trunk and his feet,
Ooh!...

(THE CAT hurls buckets of snow at HORTON)

HORTON (resolute)
I can't leave this nest.
No, I meant what I said.
This egg might get frozen
But the Whos might be dead!
I couldn't say no
When I heard Mayzie beg
Now I'm caught between a dust speck
And an incubating egg!

(Suddenly, HUNTERS surround HORTON)

Help! Someone help! Hunters! Help!

(There is chaos in the jungle. GERTRUDE tries to fly to HORTON'S aid, but can't because of her heavy tail. She wrestles with it)

GERTRUDE
Horton! ... Horton!

(Musical intro as THE CAT IN THE CAT enters and freezes the terrifying tableau. Instead of singing, THE CAT tips the song to HORTON, who unfreezes. His attitude changes immediately from terror-stricken to blithe.)

HORTON
When your life's going wrong
And you're wondering why

(GERTRUDE unfreezes and sing cheerfully.)

GERTRUDE
When your tail is so long
You're unable to fly!

CAT & HORTON & GERTRUDE
Tell yourself how lucky you are.

(Lights come up on JOJO, "after the fall", a little banged up.)

JOJO
When you land with a thud
And you're bumped and you're bruised,

HORTON
When you're trapped

GERTRUDE
And you're grounded

JOJO, HORTON, GERTRUDE
And lost and confused!

JOJO, HORTON, GERTRUDE, CAT
Tell yourself how lucky you are!

(Lights come up on the MAYOR, MRS. MAYOR, CITIZENS OF WHO and GENERAL GENGHIS KHAN SCHMITZ with JOJO. All are bandaged, battered and on crutches, but despite this, cheerfully "showbiz")

WHOS
Why rehash a nasty crash.
Why call a hearse
Or curse the universe!
My philosophy is simply:

WHOS
Things could be worse!

(SFX: Thunder!)

ALL (EXCEPT WHOS) WHOS
So be happy you're here. Who...
Think of life as a thrill! Who...
And if worse comes to worse, Who...

ALL
As we all know it will,
Thank your lucky star
You've gotten this far...

CAT
It's time for a brief intermission.


ALL
Which means Act One is through!

CAT
So go have a nice intermission.
(The lobby's a real zoo!)
But we've gotta fix up the stage
And get ready to play Act Two!

GROUP 1 WHOS
Tell yourself
How lucky you are... How lucky! How lucky!
how lucky you...
How lucky you are... How lucky! How lucky!
how lucky you...
How lucky you are... How lucky! How lucky!
how lucky! How lucky!
how lucky!
How lucky you are! How lucky you are!

Tell yourself
How lucky you are... How lucky! How lucky!
how lucky you...
How lucky you are... How lucky! How lucky!
how lucky you...
How lucky you are... How lucky! How lucky!
how lucky! How lucky!
how lucky!
How lucky you are! How lucky you are!

CAT
How lucky you are!

(The CAT makes a magical exit.)

END of ACT 1


ACT II

18. SEUSSICAL ENTR'ACTE

(As the orchestra tunes up, we realize that the CONDUCTOR IS actually THE CAT. The conducting becomes more wild, more out of control. Pages fly, the baton goes crazy, chaos ensues. This section uses all THE CAT'S anarchic tricks - a star turn. THE CAT manages to regain control and start the Act.)

CAT
(at musical button)
Seuss!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for. Without further ado, presenting Act...

(THE BOY runs in - the same little boy he was at the beginning of the show - "outside the story)

BOY
Wait!!!
What happens to Horton?
Does Horton get free?
Does Horton find Jojo?

CAT
There's no guarantee!

BOY
Will the egg be OK?

CAT
Well, I'll give you a clue:
When Act One is done,
What happens?

BOY
Act Two!

(CAT pushes the BOY back into the story, and he becomes JOJO again)

18B. OUR STORY RESUMES...(PART 2)

CAT
When we last saw our hero, he was hopelessly trapped!

(We see HORTON and HUNTERS as we last saw them in Act I)

HORTON
Shoot if you must
But I won't run away.
No matter what happens
I said I would stay.

CAT
The Whose had all crashed
And their whole town was scrapped.

(We see JOJO at military school. He is confronting SCHMITZ to little effect.)

JOJO
We're lost in the clover.
We need to be found.
Sir, why do we just keep on
Marching around?

CAT IN THE HAT
And Gertrude was helpless. I think you know why.
Her tail was so long she could no longer fly!

(GERTRUDE appears, dragging her tail onstage with the help of the BIRD GIRLS)

GERTRUDE BIRD GIRLS
Horton! Horton! Aahh...
La la la la la la la la !

CAT
So our story resumes
On a terrible day
As Horton gets carried away!

(Drums begin as HORTON is transported away)

19. EGG, NEST AND TREE

SOUR KANGAROO
Up out of the jungle
Up into the sky.
Up over the mountains

BIRD GIRLS, WICKERSHAMS & SOUR KANGAROO
Ten thousand feet high.

SOUR KANGAROO & BIRD GIRLS
Then down from the mountains

BIRD GIRLS & WICKERSHAMS & SOUR KANGAROO
And down to the sea

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON)
Went Horton the elephant
Egg, nest and tree.

WOMEN
Egg, nest and tree!

MEN
Egg, nest and tree!

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON)
They loaded the wagon
Right onto a ship.
Out over the ocean
And ooh, what a trip!
Rolling and tossing
And sick as could be!

(HORTON throws up on one of the HUNTERS, who reacts!)

HORTON
Blaaggghh!

ALL
Just a seasick elephant
Egg, nest and tree.

"VOCALLY LOW" MEN
Nest and tree

ALL
Egg, nest and tree...

"VOCALLY LOW" MEN
Nest and tree

BIRD GIRL #1
After bobbing around for two weeks like a cork.

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON)
Egg, nest and tree!

BIRD GIRL #2
They landed at last
In the town of New York.

ALL (EXCEPT CAT IN THE HAT & HORTON)
Egg, nest and tree!

BIRD GIRL #3
He was wet. he was tired.
And hungry and cold.

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON)
Egg, nest and tree!

BIRD GIRLS
Then, Horton was taken to auction...

(The CAT appears as a very proper, elegant auctioneer)

CAT AS AUCTIONEER
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Seusseby's. Our first item up for bid this evening is lot 39, a pendulous pachyderm on egg, nest and tree. The bidding will begin at ten thousand dollars. Do I hear ten, ten thousand?

(NOTE: Another "free" improvisational area for THE CAT to invite audience participation in the auction.)

CAT AS AUCTIONEER
Going once, going twice...

(The CAT bangs his gavel)

Sold...to the man with the sideburns and the greasy black mustache. Oh, excuse me, Madame! Sold...to the man from the circus!

ALL (EXCEPT CAT & HORTON)
Sold ...
Sold ...
Sold ...
Egg, nest and tree.

(ALL exit mournfully, as HORTON is carried off. And suddenly, THE CAT is transformed into the man from the circus - McGURKUS himself. Circus music begins)

20. THE CIRCUS MCGURKUS

CAT (AS MR. McGURKUS)
Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, children and creature.
The smallest of the small, and the tallest of the tall!
Come old and young! Come one and all!
It's the Circus McGurkus!
The world's greatest show
On the face of the earth or wherever you go!

The Circus McGurkus!
In town for one week
Each marvelous marvel
Is ten cents a peek!
Oh, the sights that you'll see
Why, our big top is packed.
And there's no telling where
We may find our next act!

(The curtain rises to reveal a parade of strange and wonderful animals and performers.)

CIRCUS ANIMALS & CIRCUS FOLK
Oh! Oh!
Ah! Ah!

CAT (AS MR. McGURKUS), CIRCUS ANIMALS & CIRCUS FOLK
Come see the show!

(The circus swirls and the Seussian animals and performers present their "specialty" acts. At last, a drum roll heralds the greatest act of all)

CAT (AS MR. McGURKUS)
And now, all you folks, for the first time on view,
From the Jungle of Nool, near the River Walloo,
A pendulous pachyderm! Look! Can it be?
Who sits on an egg...in a nest...in a tree!!

(HORTON appears, dressed for the circus, displayed on his next. He tries to be a good sport and waves shyly for the audience.)

ALL
Ah -- Ah

CAT (AS MR. McGURKUS), CIRCUS MEMBERS
Come see the monstrosities! Real curiosities!
Go where you never have been
CAT (AS MR. McGURKUS), CIRCUS MEMBERS
The Circus McGurkus

CAT (AS MR. McGURKUS)
The Circus McGurkus

ALL
The Circus McGurkus

ALL
Come on in!!
Come on in!!

(The circus now travels, with the CAT as MR. McGURKUS at the helm. They fast-forward their stops, city by city.)

CAT (AS MR. McGURKUS), CIRCUS ANIMALS & CIRCUS FOLK
Kalamazoo!

Shark River Hills!

Pittsburgh!
Dubuque!


(As they bounce along down the road, HORTON sings)

20c. THE CIRCUS ON TOUR/HOW LUCKY YOU ARE (Reprise)

HORTON
When you're jouncing along
On a road full of ruts
Getting jeered by a throng
And performing for nuts,
Tell yourself how lucky you are!

There's a crick in your tail
And a cramp in your toes
You're on who knows what trail
And where who is, who knows!
Tell yourself how lucky you are!

I'm worried for JoJo
And all of the rest,
They're lost in the clover.
I'm stuck on a nest.

HORTON
I'll sit on this egg
Cause what else can I do?
Oh, Mayzie, please find me!
Vacation is through
Oh, Mayzie, please fine me
I've got to save who!

ALL
Palm Beach!

(HORTON and the CIRCUS exit, SEGUE to Palm Beach, where MAYZIE lies lazily under a palm tree, attended by THE CAT IN THE HAT who now plays a suave LATIN POOLBOY named JOSE*)
* If CAT is played by female, substitute RENEE the Beautician.

21. MAYZIE IN PALM BEACH

MAYZIE
When you're down in Palm Beach
With the breeze in your hair
And you don't have an egg
Or a nest or a care,
Tell yourself how lucky you are.

CAT (AS JOSE THE POOLBOY or RENEE THE BEAUTICIAN)
How lucky, how lucky you are.

MAYZIE
When it's day after day
After beautiful day
To be lazing away
By the sea with Jose (Renee),
Tell yourself how lucky you are.

CAT (AS JOSE THE POOLBOY or RENEE THE BEAUTICIAN)
How lucky you are!

MAYZIE
Still, I'm bored and I'm cranky and tired
Sitting day after day.
Who knew so much work was required
For nothing but play.
I need something diff'rent!
I crave something new!
(She grabs the CAT)
Hey, maybe could you think of something diff'rent to do?!

(In self-defense, he hands her a flyer.)

21A. MAYZIE AT THE CIRCUS

MAYZIE
A circus!
I love a show!
I think I'll go!

(MAYZIE exits as the circus enters. SHE re-enters with souvenirs and cotton candy. We see the circus animals, now in their cages. Suddenly, she is face-to-face with HORTON.)

MAYZIE
Good gracious! I've seen you before- now, let's see. - -

HORTON
Why Mayzie, it's Horton! Remember? Its me!
I've sat on your egg now for fifty-one weeks!
I've sat here while people have paid to take peeks!
I've sat here through lightning and hail storms and snow!
Won't you take back your egg?

MAYZIE
Gee. I really don't know...

21B. AMAYZING HORTON

MAYZIE
Oh, wow, it's really late!
And gee, I've got a date!
And lots of places to be.
But it's so great to see you!

Look at you!
Who would ever guess?
Look at you!
Such a big success...
And it's all thanks to me!

Amayzing Horton!
That egg-sitting circus sensation!
Amayzing Horton!
Even I'm impressed!
Amayzing Horton!
While I was off taking vacation

MAYZIE
You made your fortune
Up on Mayzie's nest...

I may be
Unreliable.
Fancy free.
Irresponsible.
Crazy me,
Always eager to fly.

But seeing you
Gives me true delight
Just this once
I've done something right.

The egg is all yours!
No, don't thank me,
I'll cry!

(Just for a moment, MAYZIE is actually sincere and even a little contrite.)

Good luck when it hatches.
Good luck...
And goodbye.

(MAYZIE exits hastily. The other animals look at HORTON with sympathy as he holds the unwieldy egg in his arms)

HORTON
I meant what I said,
And I said what I meant
An elephant's faithful,
One hundred percent

21c. ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE (REPRISE)

HORTON
And now, little egg,
You're alone in the universe too.
Who would have thought you'd be left up to me,
A fool of an elephant up in a tree,
Well, this time, I swear I'll do better than try
I'll protect you from harm. Yes, I'll do it or die!
So rest now, young egg,
And I'll sing you a lullaby...

22. SOLLA SOLLEW

HORTON
There's a faraway land
So the stories all tell
Somewhere beyond the horizon.
If we can find it
Then all will be well,
Troubles there are few,
Someday, we'll go to...
Solla Sollew
Solla Sollew

HORTON & CIRCUS ANIMALS
Solla Sollew
Solla Sollew

HORTON
I've lost my poor Whos
And we've traveled so far.
Oh, JoJo, forgive me
Wherever you are.

(We see JOJO at military school, writing a letter. MR. and MRS. MAYOR are home, reading his letter.)

JOJO
Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm thinking of you.
And wishing we all were in Solla Sollew

MAYOR
They say breezes are warm there

HORTON
And people are kind.

JOJO, HORTON
Maybe it's something like heaven.

JOJO, MAYOR, MRS. MAYOR, HORTON
I close my eyes
And I see in my mind
Skies of bluest blue


CIRCUS ANIMALS, ALL
Solla Sollew

HORTON
I've had so much trouble JOJO, MAYOR,
Finding my way there. MRS. MAYOR &
When I get close, CIRCUS ANIMALS
It disappears. Solla Sollew
If we can get there,
We're gonna stay there
If it takes us miles,

JOJO, MAYOR AND MRS. MAYOR
If it takes us miles

HORTON
If it takes us years.

High on a mountain
Or lost on the sea,

HORTON & JOJO
Sooner or later, I'll find it

MAYOR
I have a picture
Of how it will be

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
On the day I do

HORTON & MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR & JOJO
Troubles will be through
And I'll be home with you.

ALL
Solla Sollew
Solla Sollew
Solla Sollew
Solla Sollew
Solla Sollew
Solla Sollew
Solla Sollew

HORTON
I'll be home...
With you

ALL (BUT HORTON)
Solla Sollew.

23. GREEN EGGS AND HAM II

(We hear the sounds of war as SCHMITZ, CADETS and JOJO appear)

CADETS
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,

SCHMITZ
Sound off!

JOJO & CADETS
Eggs and ham!

SCHMITZ
Sound off!

JOJO & CADETS
Sam I am!

SCHMITZ, JOJO, & CADETS
I do not like green eggs...

And ham!

SCHMITZ
We've arrive at the war, as I said that we would.
And war is a thing that does every boy good!
We will sleep in the trenches and go without supper
To make the world safe for each Butter Side Upper.
And we'll shoot every traitor and all out-of-towners
Who side with this bibulous Butter Side Downers!
Any questions?

JOJO
Sir,
This war makes no sense.
Just on Think and you quit.
Spreading bread up or down
Doesn't matter a bit!
We've crashed in the clover!
There's no help in sight.
So why are you here
Teaching children to fight?

(SCHMITZ reacts as JOJO continues)

And not only that, sir,
It's Christmas on Who!
I'd rather have Christmas than war, wouldn't you?

So here is my sword. And here is my hat.
I'm going home! And that, sir, is that!

SCHMITZ
It's a minefield out there!
This is no time for play!

JOJO
Sir, I think what I think.
Now get out of my way!

(JOJO heads out, attempting to hop across a minefield)

SCHMITZ
Soldier, you will obey!
You will halt!
JoJo, come back!
Son, wait!

(JOJO sways and begins to lose his balance. The sounds of gunfire grow louder. Suddenly, there is a loud explosion, a flash of light...and JOJO is gone)

(TRANSITION. We hear a Christmas theme and we see the GRINCH on a small, rickety stage, surrounded by young Whos in homemade angel wings. One of the young Whos plays MAX THE DOG. It's the annual Who Christmas celebration, even though there's a war on. THE GRINCH is nearing the end of his familiar recitation.)

24. INTO THE WHO'S CHRISTMAS PAGEANT

WHOS
Fa la la la la la la la la la la...
Fa la la la la la la la la la la la...
Fa la la la la la la la la la la...
Fa la la la la la la la la la...

GRINCH
And the Grinch, with his grinch feet ice-cold in the snow
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"

WHO CHILD #1
"It came without ribbons!"

WHO CHILD #2
"It came without tags!"

CINDY LOU WHO
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"

GRINCH
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more."
And what happened then?

WHO CHILDREN
Well, in Whoville, they say
That the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day!

GRINCH
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!

24A. THE GRINCH CARVED THE ROAST BEAST

GRINCH
And he...he himself!

GRINCH, WHOS
He c-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-harved..
The Grinch carved the roast beast!
Beast!
He carved the beast!

MAX THE DOG
Woof!

(THE WHOS applaud.)

MAYOR
Thank you, Mr. Grinch. As always, a wonderful Christmas show!
And, may I say, we're most grateful this year.
Since we've all had such trouble! Much trouble, I fear.
We crashed in the clover. Things smashed and things tore.
Our town is a mess and our planet's at war.
But it hasn't stopped Christmas from coming. It came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
So let's make a toast that the war won't arrive here.
That Horton will find us. And we all stay alive, here!

MRS. MAYOR
(Possibly a bit tipsy)
And here's to our JoJo. Our sweet, precious son.
Who's still off at school and I'm sure having fun!

(The WHOS raise their glasses and toast.
Just then. SCHMITZ and CADETS enter.)

24B. A MESSAGE FROM THE FRONT/SOLLA SOLLEW (REPRISE)

CADET
A message from the front!

CADETS
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,

SCHMITZ
In the Battle of Butter,
Your son has been lost.

MAYOR, MRS. MAYOR
Lost?!

SCHMITZ
When the battle began
The young man paid the cost.

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR (A gasp)
Oh, no...

SCHMITZ
He did not want to fight.
And he may have been right.
Here's his sword. And his hat.
Regrets. And goodnight.

(SCHMITZ gently hands the parents JOJO's possessions and marches out with the CADETS)

CADETS
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
Our perfect little boy...

MAYOR
Solla Sollew

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
Solla Sollew

(The CAT appears sobbing copious wet tears which sprinkle on the audience.)

NOTE: Free area for CAT to improve with audience members before the following verse.

CAT
How sad. Oh, how sad.
How unspeakably dreary.
The parents despairing
And terribly teary.
Their poor little JoJo no longer alive.
But wait! Could it be!
That the kid did survive?

A re-enactment!

(THE CAT uses dolls to re-enact JOJO getting blown up, doing the voices of JOJO and GENERAL SCHMITZ)

THE CAT (AS SCHMITZ)
It's a minefield out there!
This is no time for play!

THE CAT (AS JOJO)
Sir, I think what I think.
Now get out of my way!

THE CAT (AS SCHMITZ)
Soldier, you will obey!
You will halt!
JoJo, come back!
Son, wait!

(THE CAT makes the sound of an explosion and tosses the JOJO DOLL into the wings, just as the real JOJO tumbles onto the stage. He slowly gets to his feet, frightened and alone.)


25. JOJO ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE

JOJO
I'm alone in the universe.
So alone in the universe.
Horton, where are you
And what should I do?
I'm lost and I'm frightened
And don't have a clue.
You said you'd be there
If I needed you to
I'm thinking of you...

(THE CAT lights up, but JOJO doesn't see him yet.)

26. HAVIN' A HUNCH

SCARY VOICES (Offstage)
Ooh! Wah-ooh-wah!
Ooh! Wah-ooh-wah!

CAT
Have you ever had a hunch
You should follow your nose?
Then you have a sudden hunch
You should follow your toes?
Soon a sneaky hunch is whispering
Better go straight!
And before you know it
Oh, it's so late late late late!

SCARY VOICES (Echoing)
Late late late late!

CAT
Now a nervous hunch is telling you
You could be lost!

SCARY VOICES (Echoing)
Lost lost lost lost...

CAT
As it leads you down a path
You have already crossed.


SCARY VOICES (Echoing)
Crossed, crossed, crossed, crossed!

CAT
Soon you're overwhelmed by hunches
That pester and pinch and punch!
And you know you're havin' a hunch!

(The mysterious HUNCHES enter)

HUNCHES
You're havin', you're havin' a hunch!

CAT
A hunch!

HUNCHES
You're havin' a hunch!

HUNCHES
You're havin', you're havin' a hunch!
You're havin' a hunch!

(A DREAM nightmare ensues, in which all kinds of strange Seussian creatures and events challenge and scare JOJO.)

HUNCHES
Ooh! Ah!

HUNCHES, CAT
Hunch!

HUNCHES
Ooh! Ah!

HUNCHES, CAT
Hunch!

HUNCHES
Ooh! Ah! Hunch!
Ooh! Ah! Hunch!

(At the height of his fright and confusion, JOJO confronts THE CAT.)
JOJO
You're nothing but trouble! Just trouble galore!
You flooded my house, sent me marching to war.
Filled my head full of Thinks!
And you won't go away!

CAT
All right. I'll be going.
But first, let me say...

JOJO
No!

CAT
Think of nobody here
And the feeling of fear
And the darkness of night

HUNCHES
Ooh Ooh...

ALL, CAT
All alone in the gloom
As you're facing your doom

CAT
Think a glimmer of light!

(THE CAT turns on a light, and the HUNCHES are revealed as just a bunch of actors in costume. They're a little sheepish to be caught in the act. JOJO is amazed and relieved.)

JOJO
You mean, that's it?

CAT
That's it. It's all in your mind.
You're a Thinker, JoJo.
Tried and true.
I don't often meet real Thinkers like you.

JOJO
I want to go home.

CAT
What, that's easy to do!
Just follow your Hunches.
They'll lead you home to Who.

Think a bridge to the shore
And a road to your door.
You'll be home before lunch!

JOJO
Oh, the places I'll go
If I follow my...

JOJO, HUNCHES
Hunch!

HUNCHES, CAT
Follow your Hunch!

(The HUNCHES and CAT now help JOJO to find his way home)

And oh!
The places you'll go!

JOJO
I've got brains in my head
And feet in my shoes

ALL (EXCEPT JOJO)
So steer yourself any direction you choose!

And oh, the places you'll go!
Set your hunches free to wander
And follow them where they roam

HUNCHES, CAT
And follow your hunch
Follow your hunch
Follow it...

Follow your hunch
Follow your hunch
Follow it .. .

Follow your hunch
Follow your hunch
Follow it

(The CAT and JOJO'S HUNCHES magically deliver JOJO home to his PARENTS.)

HUNCHES, OFFSTAGE VOICES
Home ...

(Parents and son embrace joyfully)

ALL
Anything's possible!

(In the darkness, we see a figure carrying a flashlight. Its light reveals GERTRUDE McFUZZ)

GERTRUDE
I'll bet you forgot about Gertrude McFuzz
Well, that's nothing new. I mean, everyone does.
But Gertrude did something that few birds could do.
So this is the Tale of Miss Gertrude. Part Two.

(GERTRUDE's flashlight picks out the poster for the Circus McGurkus. We hear the sounds of snoring)

Psst! Horton! Horton!

HORTON
What is it? Who's there?

GERTRUDE
It's me, Gertrude! Horton! OH, Horton! I was so worried Are you all right?

HORTON
Gertrude! How did you find us?

GERTRUDE
Well, it's a long story

27a. ALL FOR YOU (Verse)

GERTRUDE
I had a little trouble
'Cause I grew a little tail.
Well, it wasn't really little.
It was absolutely giant!
And it really was attractive
But you never even noticed,
So I felt a little silly even trying
Besides which the tail was too heavy
For normal flying.

HORTON
Go on.

GERTRUDE
Well, when the hunters caught you
I could see that I'd been foolish
'Cause I couldn't even help you
No, I couldn't even fly.
And I got so very frightened
'Cause I knew I had to save you.
No one else was gonna go to all the labor.
It was all up to me,
All you had was your next door neighbor.

(THE CAT as DR. DAKE enters.)

GERTRUDE
So I ran to the doctor.

CAT AS DR. DAKE
The doctor named Dake.
And she said.-

GERTRUDE
My tail has been a mistake!

CAT AS DR. DAKE
And she said:

GERTRUDE
Dr. Dake, I've been foolish and vain.

Pluck it out! Get it off!
I won't do it again!

CAT AS DR. DAKE
Pluck! Pluck! Pluck!

GERTRUDE
Ouch, it hurt a lot!

CAT AS DR. DAKE
Pluck! Pluck! Pluck!

GERTRUDE
Ooh, a tender spot

CAT AS DR. DAKE
Pluck! Pluck! Pluck!

GERTRUDE
Just a one feather tail...

DR. DAKE, GERTRUDE & BIRD GIRLS
But suddenly, Gertrude could sail!

27b. ALL FOR YOU

GERTRUDE (dramatically)
I sailed on a junk
And was practically sunk
For you.
I trampled thorough the trees
Full of furious bees
For you.
I slogged through a fog
And a choking smog
Down a soggy slope
Through a stinking bog
While my slip was gripped
By a vicious dog
For you.

GERTRUDE BIRD GIRLS
I galloped through the snow ooh...
In eleven below
For you.
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Yes, even though I knew ooh...
I was catching the flu
For you
(achoo!) (achoo!)
And then came the hole ooh
Where I caught my sole ooh
And I rolled downhill ooh
Out of all control ooh
'Till I broke my fall
On a jagged shoal
For you!
ooh, ooh, ooh, ahh!
All for you
All for you
All for you
All for you
There's nothing that I
Wouldn't
And I couldn't
And I haven't gone through...
ahh, aah, aah, aah!

(With tremendous conviction and grit!)

I sprained my little toe, but la-la-la-la-la!
I hobbled like so la-la-la-la!
For you. La-la-la-la-la-la-la!
ooh ... Ooh ... Ooh
Then came the hit and run la-la-la-la-la!

But I staggered on one la-la-la-la!
For you. La-la-la-la-la-la-la!
Now, here I am, ahh-ah!
The worse for wear
And here you are ahh-ah!
I'm here!
You're there!
And maybe now ah!
You'll know I care ahh-ah!
For you! Ooh!
ooh ...

GERTRUDE
Oh, yes. And Horton, one more thing...

It took me seven weeks...
But I found your clover,
Too!

(HORTON eagerly takes the clover from GERTRUDE)

HORTON, DR. DAKE & BIRD GIRLS
WHO!

HORTON
Gertrude...I never noticed...you're...Amazing!

GERTRUDE
Aw, it was nothing.

HORTON
Hello, Whos, hello! Is anyone there?

(HE holds the clover to his ear and gets an answer as MR. MAYOR, MRS. MAYOR appear)

MRS. AND MRS. MAYOR
Hello!!

HORTON
Oh, what a relief! Why, hello, Mr. Mayor! Is JoJo all right?

(HE listens again)

JOJO
Hi, Horton!

HORTON
Oh, JoJo! Hello!
Kid, now that I've got you, I won't let you go!
I'll shelter and guard you, because after all,
A person's a person
No matter how small!

MR. AND MRS. MAYOR, JOJO, HORTON, GERTRUDE
A person's a person
No matter how...

(THE CAT IN THE HAT interrupts this tender moment with a whistle.)

CAT
How happy and sweet...but this tale is not over!

JOJO
Oh yes it is, too! Get me down from this clover!

CAT
I'm sorry, there's no happy ending in sight!
So all I can say is - Hey, JoJo, hold tight!

(THE WICKERSHAM BROTHERS and the SOUR KANGAROO/YOUNG KANGAROO appear)

WICKERSHAM #1
Ha!

WICKERSHAM #2,3
Ha!

SOUR KANGAROO
Humph!

GERTRUDE
How did you get here?!

SOUR KANGAROO
You can't run away from a sour kangaroo
Palm Beach to Pittsburgh to Kalamazoo
And you - with your egg and your tree and your nest!
I'm making a sour citizen's arrest!

HORTON
Wait! Stop! Where are you taking me?

SOUR KANGAROO & WICKERSHAMS
Well Horton, we're taking you back.
You're gonna be goin' in style.
For talkin' to a speck
And sittin' on an egg

WICKERSHAM #3
You're gonna be...

WICKERSHAM #2
Gonna be...

WICKERSHAM #1
Gonna be...

SOUR KANGAROO
Gonna be...

SOUR KANGAROO & WICKERSHAMS
Gonna be put...
On trial!

(Segue to a courtroom in the Jungle of Nool. The CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE will serve as the jury. THE CAT plays the court's MARSHAL.)

28. THE PEOPLE VERSUS HORTON THE ELEPHANT

CAT (AS MARSHAL)
This is the case of the people versus
Horton the elephant

OTHERS IN COURT
Horton the elephant!

CAT (AS MARSHAL)
Judge Yertle the turtle presiding.
Everyone rise!

JUDGE YERTLE
Order! Order! Order in the court!

JUDGE YERTLE & ALL
Order, order, order, order in the court!

CAT (AS MARSHAL)
The defendant is charged with talking to a speck, disturbing the peace, and loitering ... on an egg.

HORTON
Your honor, this clover is Exhibit A.

HORTON SOUR KANGAROO,
They're Whos here. WICKERSHAMS, BIRD GIRLS
There are Whos here.
Smaller than the eye can
See! Biggest blame fool
in the Jungle of Nool
It's true, sir!
Here's who's who, sir!
He's a who, and so is she Biggest blame fool
in the Jungle of Nool

(JUDGE YERTLE bangs the gavel)

JUDGE YERTLE
Order! Order! Order in the court!

CAT (AS MARSHAL)
Call to the stand the star witness versus
Horton the elephant.
Raise your right hand and swear!

(THE SOUR KANGAROO steps forward to take the oath)

SOUR KANGAROO
I swear...
That he's the biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of Nool
As I testified long ago.
Biggest blame fool

YOUNG KANGAROO
Just a fool, fool, fool!

SOUR KANGAROO
And a mother like me should know.
Judgin' him trunk to toe...
You better think!

BIRD GIRLS
Think!

SOUR KANGAROO
Think!

BIRD GIRLS
Think!

SOUR KANGAROO
Oh please, throw him in the clink!

BIRD GIRLS (testifying)
Talkin' to a speck
Talkin' to a speck
To a speck of dust!

GERTRUDE
Objection!

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON AND GERTRUDE)
Overruled!

WICKERSHAMS, KANGAROO, BIRD GIRLS (testifying)
Sittin' on an egg
Sittin' on an egg
Sittin' on an egg!

GERTRUDE
Objection!

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON AND GERTRUDE)
Overruled!

(Group by group, the animals sweep forward to testify, their voices building to cacophony. The following lines overlap)

BIRD GIRLS SOUR KANGAROO WICKERSHAMS
Talkin' to a speck
Talkin' to a speck Fool! Fool! Fool!
To a speck of
Dust! In the Jungle of
Talkin' to a speck Nool! Nool! Sittin' on an egg!
To a speck of Nool! He's sittin'
Dust! On an egg!
Talkin' to a speck Fool! Ha! Ha!
Talkin' to a speck Ha!
To a speck of

(Horton emits a tremendous angry elephant trumpet. The courtroom falls silent)

HORTON
I meant what I said
And I said what I meant:
An elephant's faithful
One hundred percent!
You can throw me in jail,
Lock me up in a zoo...
But I won't desert my egg
And I will not abandon Who!

These Whos, sir,
Win or lose, sir,
Whether you believe or not,
They're here.
They live in fear.
And I'm the only friend they've got

You can do what you want with me, Your Honor,
And I won't question why.

But Please save Who,
The ti-niest planet in the sky.

(There is tension in the courtroom as JUDGE YERTLE delivers his verdict)

JUDGE YERTLE
Based on the evidence, I have no choice
But to order the defendant, Horton the elephant,
Remanded to the Nool asylum for the criminally insane.
And as for the dust speck...

BIRD GIRLS
Ooh! That dust speck!

CAT (AS MARSHAL)
And as for the dust speck

BIRD GIRLS
Ooh! That speck!

CAT (AS MARSHAL), SOUR KANGAROO, WICKERSHAMS, YERTLE
And as for your dust speck,

CAT (AS MARSHAL), SOUR KANGAROO, WICKERSHAMS, YERTLE, BIRD GIRLS
That we will
Boil boil boil boil boil...
In a hot steaming kettle of beezlenut oil!

HORTON
Boil it! Oh no!
No, that you can't do!
It's all full of persons!
They'll prove it to you!
Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor!
Oh, please, Mr. Mayor!
You've got to prove now
That you really are there!
So ring every doorbell.
And send out the word!
Make every Who holler!
Make every Who heard!

CAT (AS MARSHAL), SOUR KANGAROO, WICKERSHAMS, YERTLE, BIRD GIRLS
Boil, boil, boil, boil, boil!

(MR. and MRS. MAYOR appear)

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
Attention all Whos!
Attention all Whos!
We've got to be heard!
There's no time to lose!

MRS. MAYOR
So send up a shout

MAYOR
Make it loud! Make it clear!

JOJO, ALL WHOS
We are here! We are here!
We are here! We are here!

(A silence as ALL in the courtroom listen...)

HORTON
(triumphantly)
Now surely you heard. It was clear as a bell!
Now all of you surely heard that very well!

(No one else has heard a thing)

JUDGE YERTLE
I heard no small voices
And you didn't either!

(SOUR KANGAROO riffs through the following)

COURTROOM MEN COURTROOM WOMEN
Boil it! Boil it!
Boil it! Boil it!
Boil it! Boil it!
Boil it! Boil it!

(HORTON struggles to protect THE WHOS from the mob, holding the clover away from them)

HORTON
Don't give up! I believe in you all!
A person's a person, no matter how small!
And you very small persons will not have to die
If you make yourselves heard! So, please! TRY!

(THE WHOS are revealed. They're terror stricken. They beat on tom toms, play musical instruments, wave their arms.)

COURTROOM PEOPLE WHOS
Boil it!
Boil it!
Boil it!
Boil it!
We are here!
Boil it!
We are here!
Boil it!
We are here!
Boil it!
We are here!
Boil it!
We are here!
Boil... We are here!

HORTON, MR. AND MRS. MAYOR
Jojo, think of something!

(Everyone freezes as THE CAT steps out of the scene.)

CAT
Now just for a moment, young Jojo looked grim.
The fate of the Whos rested squarely on him!
But then came a think.-
A peculiar new word no one ever had heard!

(The scene unfreezes...)

ALL (IN COURTROOM) WHOS
Boil it! We are here!
Boil it! We are here!
Boil it! We are here!
Boil!... We are here!

JOJO (a long yell)
YOPP!

(JOJO'S voice reverberates loudly through the universe. And the WHOS are heard at last. The ANIMALS gasp in amazement. The WHOS gasp in relief!)

28d. YOPP!/ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE (Reprise)

HORTON
Do you hear what I hear? Do you see what I mean?
They made themselves heard though they still can't he seen!

GERTRUDE
They've proved they are persons, no matter how small.

HORTON
And their whole world was saved by the small- est of all!

(THE SOUR KANGAROO has a change of heart and is slightly embarrassed)

SOUR KANGAROO
How true! Yes, how true! Said the sour kangaroo.
And, from now on, you know what I'm planning to do?
(with genuine sweetness)
From now on, I'm going to protect them with you!

And the young kangaroo in her pouch said...

SMALL KANGAROO
Me, too!

CAT
Their troubles were ended, they hailed his great..

ALL WHOS, CAT
Yopp!

CAT
And Jojo was honored as "Thinker non-stop".

(The WHOS carry him on their shoulders.)

MR. AND MRS. MAYOR
Now all Jojo's thinks would forever be heard.

CAT
Including this think...

(We hear the sound of a giant egg cracking. GERTRUDE dashes over to HORTON and they watch as THE EGG hatches. We can only imagine what they're seeing by the wonder and joy on their faces.)

JOJO, ALL (hushed wonder and amazement)
An elephant bird!

HORTON (very moved)
Why he looks just like me. Except for the wings.

GERTRUDE
And except for the voice, 'cause that's how a bird sings.

HORTON (slow mounting panic)
Gertrude, what will I do? I'm slow and I'm fat
All I know is the earth. He'll need much more than that!

(A beat.)

GERTRUDE (very tentative, very gentle)
I have wings.
Yes, I can fly.
You teach him earth
And I will teach him sky

HORTON
Just call my name

BOTH
And I'll see you through.

HORTON
One small voice in the universe

GERTRUDE
One true friend in the universe

BOTH -
Who believes in you.

(HORTON and GERTRUDE come together over the cradle, looking down at their little elephant bird.)

CAT
The adventures were over.
The sky became...

JOJO
Pink.

CAT
And then, guess what happened?

JOJO (to audience)
Well, what do you think?!

29. OH, THE THINKS YOU CAN THINK (Finale Act 2)

ALL
Oh, the thinks you can think
Think and wonder and dream
Far and wide as you dare...
When your thinks have run dry
In the blink of an eye
There's another world there.
If you open your mind
Oh, the thinks you will find
Lining up to get loose

Oh, the thinks you can think

BASSES/BARITONES
Oh, the thinks you can think

ALL
Oh, the thinks you can think

TENORS
Oh, the thinks you can think

ALL
Oh the thinks you can think
When you think about Seuss!
When you think about Seuss!
When you think about Seuss!

GROUP 1 GROUP2 GROUP 3 GROUP 4
Seu-u-u-u-u Seu... Seu...
Seu... Seu... Seuss! Seuss! Seuss!
Seu-u-u-uss Seuss! Seuss! Seuss!

Seu-u-u-u-u Seu... Seu... Seuss! Seuss!
Seu... Seu... Seuss! Seuss!
Seu-u-u-uss Seuss! Seuss! Seuss!

Seu ...Seu ...
Seu-u-u-u-u Seuss! Seuss! Seuss!
Seu ... Seu ... Seuss! Seuss! Seuss!

(The characters dance off, fade away, disappear, one by one. Last to go is THE CAT IN THE HAT. Finally, THE BOY stand on an empty stage, holding his legacy, his imagination - embodied in the red-and-white striped hat.)

BOY
Seuss!

(THE BOY pulls the CAT'S hat on, and it comes down over his eyes, causing a...

Blackout!)
END OF ACT II



30. GREEN EGGS AND HAM (BOWS)

ALL
I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them, Sam-I-am
Do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere.

Not in a house, not with a mouse
Not here or there, not anywhere
I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them, Sam-I-am

Could you? Would you? With a goat?
Could you? Would you? On a boat?
Could you? Would you? In the rain?
Could you? Would you? On a train?

Not with a goat. Not on a boat.
Not in the rain. Not on a train.
Not in a house. Not with a mouse.
Oh, no!

Not in a box. Not with a fox.
Not in a tree. You let me be!
I do not like green eggs and ham!
I do not like them, Sam-I-am!

(All take their bows)

I do not like green eggs and ham!